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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Five Things I Think, Post Christmas

Greetings, gang! It's been a while, but I have a perfectly good excuse. Umm...reason. Add to that the rush of the holidays, that never-quite-caught-up-shit-I-forgot-to-buy-something nightmare before Christmas, compounded by being surrounded on all sides and at all locations by people walking around with plagues that I try not to catch but still end up a slave to mucus, and you not only have a run-on sentence worthy of Poe, but no time to blog.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

1) I think that colds, flus, and other assorted illnesses should be banned from the holidays. Just get 'em right on out of here for just one freakin' week.
Whereas last Christmas I was tormented, this year Little Danger and his cousin the General got to suffer from head cold hell. It didn't ruin their festivities, but it did introduce some grump and lethargy that would otherwise have been absent. Only the power of Christmas cookies and unwrapped treasures dented their dour demeanors.

2) I think there aren't enough hours in the day, which I have been guilty of thinking before. I've picked up a second job, and I'm starting to really brain out my strategy of becoming my own boss. To that end, I will be scarce around here for a while. I haven't really been bringing the good posts in a while, and I have to face up to that and buckle down on the career. I'll still be here, but not as often. Hopefully I can refocus on writing that makes me happy. Conversely, this makes me sad, but it is the right thing to do. Damned responsibility. At this rate I'll be changing my handle from Dangerboy to SleepDeprivedZombieChainedToADeskboy.

3) I think that I started that 2nd job with a bang. I already have my first nemesis...I made an enemy and 13 friends all at the same time.
We had our first staff meeting for said 2nd job, and the managers were announcing an initiative we are expected to participate in. Nothing horrendous, either...just visiting neighbor businesses and offering to exchange flyers/coupons/whatevers to cross-promote. Enter the office asshole...every office has one, I think.
He loudly expounded upon how horrible such an idea was, and how it would surely result in being kicked out of places and "bad-mouthed all over town." Because that's what he would have done when he owned his own business. Which he no longer does. Maybe because he's an asshole.
To make a long story short, I cut him off at the knees, describing the best way to not get thrown out and to make friends and influence people. He was not amused, and told me he was not "a random fool". No, just a very specific one. I simply smiled at is better to keep one's mouth closed and be thought a fool than to announce to the room that one is.
Fortunately for all involved, he'll be in a different location than I will. I'd hate to have to make him a hobby.

4) I think I'm well beyond ready for 2012 to get here. I mentioned elsewhere that it feels like 2011 has been an unruly houseguest. Sure, the conversation has been good, and I've learned some things...but the muddy shoes on the couch, trash all over the place, and blatant theft of my hard earned money...well, I'm showing 2011 the door. In my heart, it's ALREADY SUNDAY. Take that, 2011. Now all I have to worry about is that farking Mayan calendar.

5) I think you should have a fantastic New Year, and I hope your holidays have been happy and hope-filled.

So, what do YOU think?

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Five Things I Think, Dec 6

Is my regular Monday thing now a regular Tuesday thing? What, it's Wednesday? I should perhaps be glad I'm not putting this off to 2012.

1) I think I've seen some good and bad holiday behaviour this season. The debate over Christmas vs Holidays has been addressed in nice fashion, and folks on both sides of the "what to say for a winter gift giving festival" seem to be swinging back toward the "take whatever is said as a nice wish, asshole" side of the aisle.
Funniest thing I have read on the debate? "Tell those who demand Christ be part of Christmas that you demand Thor be part of Thursday." It's a thing that makes ya go "Hmmm."

2) I think I had a great time drumming for our metro area's Gay Mens' Chorus. They did two African pieces in their holiday concert, and asked that I put together some percussion for them. Wifefish, Ruffstuff, and I teamed up for Bonse Abe and Betelehumu, and I dare say it was awesome. The chorus sounded great, and we had a great time helping them out. Perhaps if they upload a video I'll link to it. I don't often get paid to slap a djembe, but it was awesome to do so.

3) I think that the fact our Senate just passed a bill that would allow indefinite detention of American citizens by American military is fucked right up. This story has been hard to follow, and I'm going to be watching it as closely as I can. It's possible that the offending language has been stricken, but it seems that hasn't been confirmed yet. Here's hoping. I know that if I'd been ordered to do so when I was in the service, I would have refused. Police arrest Americans, and protect them from other Americans. Armed Forces protect Americans from foreign threats. That's the way it should stay; protecting against "domestic threats" was never intended to replace due process.

4) I think that last time I disparaged Time Warner Cable. Well, they got my message loud and clear, which was easy given that I tweeted and posted on their facebook wall. They called me with a "promotion" that I couldn't refuse, and I'm actually saving even more money than I would have been had they just honored their initial agreement. Lesson learned...the squeaky wheel gets the kick. (12 geek points if you can name the source of that quote)
I think that social media can be a fantastic tool for change, companies can no longer assume their clients and customers are anonymous voices, they know that countless others will see the words from a disgruntled client. Suffice to say that I am now gruntled.

5) I think I may not worry too much about the impact of finances on Christmas for Little Danger. Why, you ask? BEHOLD.

With enough cardboard, we can make ANYTHING. This is a race car/sled/Rebel Snowspeeder/podracer/and more, whatever makes him giggle. Give the kid 4 boxes and a passel of foam swords, and he's entertained for hours. Add a book and a dog, and he's in paradise. Still, he does love his talking Yoda. Especially when Empire Strikes Back is on TV, and I press the button at just the right time to make him think Yoda's playing along with the movie.
Dads are devious.

Well, that's Five Things for the week. I hope you're having a good one, friends. Stay Awesome!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Five Things I Think, Post Food Coma editition

Oh, the holidays...a time when I hide the scale and have more pie.

1) I think I had too much turkey. There were two turkeys at family Thanksgiving, smaller birds but tasty. One was smoked, the other rubbed with a lemon-herb-wine concoction by Wifefish. Then our friends feast featured a farm-raised feathered fellow that we named "Hank". (New Girl, anyone? Hanksgiving!) The yum, it was mighty.

2) I think I love the holidays. I don't get into the crazy comsumerism, hell I don't have the money these days to do so. But I do get into being surrounded by friends, family, loved ones. I love catching up with old friends and spending time with people I'm just damn glad to know.

3) I think Time Warner Cable can gargle balls. I signed up for their $84.90 bundle deal with TV and internet, but when they were finalizing the order, the actual price came to $118. Extras for HD, DVR, and equipment fees. I told them to take a flying leap. I absolutely abhor bait-and-switch pricing. It drives me batshit insane, like a day trapped in an elevator between floors with Justin Bieber music playing on endless repeat and a Twilight fan rattling off a soliloquy of why they like the movies, all while someone takes a cheese grater to my scrotum. Maybe I should drink less coffee.

4) I think there are too many desserts at the house. Granted, there are fewer today than 2 days ago...but that's because I put them in my belly. Leftover pie of 3 kinds, cheesecake,'s like the Keebler elves mugged Betty Crocker and decided our kitchen was going to be the stash location. I'm going to have to install a treadmill in front of the Scotch shelf of my bar.

5) I think this being too busy to write and read and comment thing makes me feel like a bad blogger. Someone should roll up an online newspaper and swat me on the virtual nose. Or pay me. Paying me would be good.

That's my five today. Don't forget to check me and the rest of the gang out at! Now you can click on my name and see all the crazy shit I find in the news!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Five Things I Think, November 22

Greetings, folks. It's time again. Time to put on our thinking caps. Ready? Let's do this!

1) I think I had a great trip last week. I found myself in Myrtle Beach, on business. I'd never been there. The hotel Wifefish and I stayed at, the Myrtle Beach Marriott Resort and Spa at Grande Dunes (what a mouthful!), was fucking fantastic.
I've been on many, many business trips over the past 16 years, and this is the first time I've felt like a rock star. A-list. Tom Cruise without the couch jumping and alien worship. I recommend the place highly for friendly, attentive staff in a good location on the beach.
Sitting outside, eating dinner, and listening to the surf upon arrival was just perfect. It was nice to pretend for a few days that we aren't flat frakking broke.

The view from the 15th floor. This did not suck.

2) I think it's very endearing, if perhaps a bit icky, to get a snotty toddler kiss in the morning. I was both disgusted and touched. Little Danger has learned to give kisses, and it's the cutest thing ever. (Until the next cute thing happens, of course.)

3) I think it's exceptionally difficult to change a diaper when the toddler whom is being changed has a foam sword in his hand. Duck and weave, cartoon goes in front, duck and weave, fasten, duck and weave, pants on, duck and THWACK! "That's my nose!" Game over.

4) I think that driving to Myrtle Beach was ex-fucking-xhausting. 11+ hours behind the wheel, twice. Granted, the drive through the mountains was beautiful, and filled with the kind of curves at 65 mph that make you feel like a fighter pilot. It was also nice to get a bunch of revision work done on a game was not a boring drive, at least.

5) I think I'd better start hitting the gym HARD. It's Thanksgiving week, which means not one, but two big turkey dinners for us. I picked up our "home" turkey, which we have posthumously named Hank, from Serenity Valley Farm yesterday. He's a big bird. He promises to be tasty and fresh, and I hope he lives up to his potential as the centerpiece of my inevitable weight gain.

Last time, I thought I'd get some writing done while we were gone. Guess what I didn't do. But since I was alternately being pampered and working to get sales, I have no regrets. I regret nothing!!!
Now, I'm back to work. I've got a hell of a slump to dig out of, and precious little time to do it in. I go!

Monday, November 14, 2011

5 Things I Think, November 14

Greetings gang. A very sore Dangerboy salutes you. It's been a weekend of physical effort, with more abuse in store. Sadly, Ibuprofen and Scotch don't go together. But Scotch and more Scotch do. I chose Ibuprofen.

1) I think I had a good, geeky weekend. Two days filled with foam stick beatdown, both hard and light. It was good to see things from a different perspective, since I'm often running events. Being a "noob" was just good fun. Having spent Friday afternoon raking leaves at the family homestead, though, my body is not nearly as pleased as my mind by these shenanigans. Not nearly.

2) I think I have some friends who are effing saints. Little Danger got to spend the day in the company of some awesome women on Saturday, as Wifefish and I attended to item 1 there. One of the sitters decided to be the ninja of kitchen dishes, and we returned to a cleaner kitchen than we'd left. Saints, I tell you.

3) I think that Megashark vs Crocosaurus on SyFy was fucking ridiculous. I was trapped under a sleeping Little Danger, and could not wrestle the remote away from Ruffstuff. He tortured me by leaving it on.
Wifefish recreated a scene with a shark hat and an oven mitt as puppets, and I laughed so hard I cried. I am certain that this movie was made specifically to be bad, but I'm not sure even that forgives it. The puppet show was certainly superior.

4) I think I am not looking forward to the 11 hour car trip tomorrow. Nor the return 11 hour car trip on Saturday. I am looking forward to using that time to work on manual revisions and being no further than 14 inches from Wifefish for an entire day.
I'm headed out on a business trip, and she gets to accompany me. It's a beggar's celebration of our 10 year anniversary, a k-k-k-killer combo! trip of work and play. The plane ticket to this destination were twice as much as two extra nights at the resort, so fabulous boss coughed up the two nights. Score.

5) I think I'll try to take some time to write this week. I should have some downtime on this trip, so hopefully I can make some words manifest. You should be sure to check out the things I've been writing over at Sprocket Ink in the meantime!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Five Things I Think, Nov 8

I hope you'll forgive me for being a date late with my thoughts. Of course, if you don't, there's not much you can do about it. Maybe haze me in the comments or something...

1) I think I've got a pretty huge and geeky opportunity on the horizon that, sadly, I can't talk much about. But it does make me evaluate my opinions and has made me think that perhaps I should be careful not to paint with too broad a mental brush. I find myself cautiously optimistic, having been burned in this arena once before. Once bitten, twice skeptical as all hell.

2) I think I'm a zombie today. I don't know what was wrong with Little Danger last night, but he was crying about every 10 minutes. I finally threw in the towel and snuggled him in the guest bed, which let him get some sleep. Me, not so much. It's time for the coffee IV, stat! Going back over the blog, I can see that this happens with some frequency. It strikes me that the zombie apocalypse will begin with parents of toddlers. One of us will be patient zero.

3) I think I despise election season. I've had a certain union that will remain nameless calling my cellphone to solicit my vote on their issue. I've asked them to remove my number multiple times, but still, they call. I get voter fatigue every election, and whereas I love the right to vote, I am tired of people bugging me about it. Especially on my cell. Call me and bug me about an issue, and I can guarantee an earful of expletives.

4) I think that it's important to push through the grump sometimes. I had a crappy morning on Saturday, and had nearly resolved to skip a party that night and be, in short, a curmudgeon. As it was a costume party and I was part of a group costume, I went anyway. And I had a fantastic time, and felt the angst and stress of the day evaporate amongst friends. I wonder how many expulsions of stress I have missed out on out of simple harrumph-y self-spite. I think I'll try not to do that anymore.

5) I think Space Marine is a fucking beautiful game. If you're a 40k fan, you need to check it out. The attention to detail is riveting, the "grimdark" palpable. Gothic touches abound and background noises make the scenes more immersive, driving home the bleak hopelessness of man in the vast Imperium. Also, thwacking swathes of orks into a bloody goo with a Thunder Hammer is just so very, very cathartic. I think it'll be difficult to give it back to Bodek, whom I gratefully thank for the borrow.

Well, that's five things. Not very profound, but I am still harried by the lack of income just now. Back to the grind!

So...what do YOU think today?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Things I Hate, vol 12: Trick or Treat Edition

It’s time, ladies and gentlemen, for another Dangerboy rant. As some of you may have known, this year was Little Danger’s first trick-or-treat. He was a bit overwhelmed by it all, wandering through a neighborhood filled with ninjas, pirates, ghosts, goblins, and ghouls. We were surrounded by muppets, superheroes, rock stars, and fairies. The very streets were filled with costumed looters. It was Occupy Trick Or Treat, and the kids were the 99%.

It was nearly idyllic.

Granted, there was that one old man that was handing out “Bit O’ Honey”, perpetually oblivious to the fact that only 1% of children actually consider those things to be candy. They are generally the last thing eaten out of the loot bag, unless some asshole lays in a stock of circus peanuts. Ye flipping Gods, whoever invented those orange cardboard-flavored torturers of taste buds should have been drawn and quartered. I’d rather lick a brussels-sprout-and-skunk-ass lollipop than eat a circus peanut.

This is NOT candy, old man.

But I digress! That was a mere smudge upon the evening, and one that I certainly expected. What I didn’t expect, but perhaps should have, was the old couple that desperately wanted to save the souls of each and every child in the neighborhood. They eagerly stuffed a piece of candy and a folded sheet of paper into my 15-month old’s plastic punkin o’ plenty. I smiled, and thanked them, and trotted on. (Keeping up with the other kids in the crew was not a task for the weak; if you want your child to compete in a marathon, simply put buckets of candy every ½ mile and they will smoke most professional athletes!)

After what seemed like 83 more houses, which a glance at the candy bucket corrected to only 10 (unless 73 houses stiffed us on candy), some discussion ensued amongst us parental types about the papers the elderly couple had handed out. They were tracts, those lovely little comics that are designed to scare children to God. This one was small, a single-folded sheet to make 4 small pages.

Here’s the first thing you read on the back:

You need to understand that you are a sinner and the punishment for your sin is death in Hell.” The whole thing was written in much the same vein, and suggested the children say a prayer admitting they are a sinner “on my way to Hell.”

Seriously? You’re concerned that my 15-month old is committing sins aplenty in his toddlerhood, and is already on the road to damnation and hellfire for all eternity? Look, gramps, I will concede that he may summon dooky demons in his diaper and merrily make mischief among men with foam swords and dump trucks, but I’m fairly certain that he’s pretty solidly in the “not the spawn of Satan” category. (Although, to be fair, sometimes I wonder whilst in the middle of a diaper change. Holy olfactory assault, Batman!)

Little Danger as a satyr. The cuteness is lethal.

But what of all the kids who received this missive that could, in fact, read it? Surely they would have dreams of fiery torment this night, and be scared into renouncing Lucifer loudly! Well, not so much. Upon returning to the house, one of the young rapscallions read his “trick” as he consumed his treats, and the kids discussed it, in their way. “This is stupid”, they proclaimed.

Bingo! Got it in one. Mind you, this kid was (I think) a churchgoer. And yet, his opinion of the tract was succinct and, in my opinion, accurate.

I wasn’t actively offended by the concept…Halloween is a great time for propagandizing to the youth. Candy bribery is a time-honored parental tradition. In fact, next year I may hand out flyers proclaiming the power of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I was, however, blown away by the “fear sells” concept of the message. I’m in sales, and I’m pretty sure that “you are going to Hell” isn’t a hit with the target market.

Maybe a redesign is in order. Here are my thoughts on a better message:

“Come to church, it’s cooler than candy!”

“Psalms…they’re like Pokemons! Collect ‘em all!”

“Jesus is tougher than Optimus Prime, and He loves you 10 times more than any Autobot!”

“Your Faith is none of our fucking business! Have a great Halloween!”

I’m kind of partial to that last one. Look, maybe Jesus said to go out and spread the word, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t say “And make sure you freak the kids out while you’re doing it.” I didn’t see any Bhuddists stuffing meditation candles in bags. I didn’t see any pagans putting flyers for their Samhain circles in with the Snickers. I didn’t find a single spliff snuck in by a Rastafarian. Those people were too busy eating candy and enjoying the fucking holiday. (Especially the Rasta, likely owing to an epic case of munchies.)

And so I salute you, Grandma and Grandpa Busybody, but I salute you with one finger. Guess which one. Be glad I’m a lazyass, for it would have been oh, so simple to assemble an army of ninjas, pirates, and future graduates of Monster High to fire a barrage of eggs and TP at your domicile. And for that, you should thank me.

So what do you think? Was it over the top, or just an opportunity to save a soul or 53?

Monday, October 31, 2011

5 Things I Think, the Halloween Edition

TRICK OR TREAT! Monday is here, and I think it's time to put my thinking cap on. It's the big conical one in the corner.

1) I think it was a rough weekend. Our cat, a member of the family since 1997, passed away Saturday. He'd been in declining health due to lymphoma, and even though I'd toughened myself against the inevitable, I found myself uttering the phrase "These are manly wracking sobs, god dammit." Wifefish and I wrapped him in a towel and held him close, scratching under his chin to be gifted with his last purr. We made him as comfortable as we could as consciousness slipped away from him.
I think he was the best cat I've ever known. If it's possible for a cat to sink low enough from cat-hood to care for human beings, he did care about us. I'm going to miss him.

He always was kind of a baby.

2) I think I'm connecting a bit too deeply with The Walking Dead on AMC. Granted, I'm not part of a zombie apocalypse, but it strikes me that any group of people up against an all-pervasive challenge will make some hard, tough decisions. Our current economy strikes me as paralleled by the's eating people's brains, and it's forcing us to make hard decisions.
Granted, the analogy falls apart under scrutiny, since the zombie hijinks are so much meaner and tougher, but I think generally the stress inducement and overarching despair are similar.

3) I think I saw an online ad recently for my dream job. Granted, that's not what they were selling, but I clearly need to work for these people. The ad featured an "in-home bra fitting" for women to buy lingerie. I think I could be a great fitter.

4) I think tonight should be a great night. It's sort of a parental rite of passage, a moment both anticipated and dreaded. It's Little Danger's first trick or treat. Yes, there will be pictures. I'm transitioning from handing out candy in large handfuls to roaming door to door.
And gang, I have a confession to make. I'm giddy that I get to go trick or treating again. This "being too old for it" shit has gotten stale, and it's time to roam a neighborhood and collect some serious candy! If I'm good, maybe Wifefish will let me have some before bedtime.

5) I think you should have a Happy Halloween, a Blessed Samhain, a wonderful All Saints Day, and/or a great Day of the Dead, whatever you may celebrate this week. I forgot about All Saints, and may celebrate tomorrow by watching the second Boondock Saints film and swigging Irish Flags (a great layered shot made with Creme de Menthe, Bailey's, and Grand Marnier).

Whatever you're up to, I hope it's a great week for you. Make it memorable!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Decade...

Today is a fantastic day. It is a day of greatness, a day that I look forward to each year. And this year, it's even better.

10 years ago, I married the most fantastic Wifefish in the history of the world. I married my best friend, my confidant, my inspiration. I'm a more complete human being because of it. I certainly hope that she's come out as well as I have in the bargain.

I can recall the very first moment I felt love from her, knowing I would always be safe with her. I'd pushed myself a bit too hard during a rehearsal, ignoring a case of strep that became scarlet fever. After the rehearsal, I lay on the stage with my head in her lap as she touched my hair, taking care of me. I went to the hospital afterwards, of course.

I remember proposing to her during a curtain call. I'd managed to get the whole cast of Into The Woods in on it, and surprised her completely when I popped the question. You know who has two thumbs and got a standing ovation for his marriage proposal? This guy. It was the beginning of a wonderful journey.

We've supported each other for a decade now. We listen to each other's dreams. We kick each other in the ass. We look forward together. We forgive each other when we do stupid shit. We play video games until 4 am sometimes. We have the occasional adventure.

I can think of no one who would, or even could, fit me better.

It's been a full decade of memory making, and I find I'm looking forward to the next decade with excitement.

Happy Anniversary, Wifefish. Let's have another awesome decade!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Five Things I Think, Oct 24

Greetings, gang. It's Monday again. Wow, I can almost hear the collective groan from you...or was that just my imagination? Here's my five for the day:

1) I think that overall I'm happy with the way the Haunt turned out. It's wrapped up, with a nice big closing weekend. We could have used a few more people on hand, but we nailed it with what we had. I was surprised by the number of people who couldn't finish it because they were too scared, which seems to me an odd proposition. I can understand bailing out of a haunt because it's no good, but being too freaked to keep going makes me wonder why they bothered to show up.
Or maybe my volunteers are just that twisted and scary.

2) I think the most perfect cure for stress in the world is Little Danger. Also, the most perfect cause of a headache. Funny how that works out.

Let's get this one!

3) I think I can't stand pumpkins. The smell, the taste, none of it. No pumpkin pie, no pumpkin seeds, no pumpkin bread. Conversely, I really like jack-o-lanterns and such. I just can't stand to be around when they're being made. As such, Wifefish is in charge of all pumpkin carving at Casa de Danger.

4) I think having to spend my 10 year anniversary with Wifefish away from her, on the highway, for 8+ hours sucks gigantic donkey balls. I realize that this entry on today's list is pure whining, but dammit, I'm gonna whine about this one. Dangerboy is displeased. Dangerboy also needs the money, and therefore will suck it up.

5) I think I may strangle the fabulous boss today. We're trying to figure out travel plans for the next month or two, and he's being as decisive as a pothead faced with a decision between twinkies or pizza. It's like a steering wheel in a pair of pirate's drivin' me nuts.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

A Trip Down Nostalgia Street, vol 11

The year was 1982. I sat transfixed in front of the TV set, joystick in hand. My pulse quickened. A light sheen of sweat adorned my brow. I furiously pressed the button, juking and jiving. I was going Berzerk on Nostalgia Street.

I am so glad that the fashion of the 2000's prediction was dead wrong.

Berzerk was an endless romp through a robot filled maze, dodging bullets while attempting to make it into just one more room and a higher score. The task was made easier by the laser gun you could fire back at said robots, leaving a trail of scrap metal wider than a Michael Bay film.

The robots were thuggish brutes, with exaggerated shoulders and thick, one-eyed heads. Granted, there wasn’t much the 2600 could do with graphics, so they may not have had an option. They were also complete morons, moving in predictable patterns and firing willy-nilly. Sadly, 8 year old me couldn’t figure that out; it was moron robots vs. inattentive kid. It is worth noting that 8 year old me would NOT have survived a zombie apocalypse, or even a zombie skirmish.

Behold the amazing graphics of the past, kiddies!!

In retrospect, this was a stressful game. Screen after screen of robots and walls, robots and walls, and more robots and walls. It’s like Bender’s maze of plenty up in this bitch, an insane asylum stocked with primitive cylons. Oh, and did I mention that touching a wall meant electrified death?

And then there was the evil twist, the surprise giant foe that could bounce right through walls, ready to crush you into a fine powder of shattered dreams and Fun-Dip. Evil Otto.

Don't Worry Be Happy? Nope. Be DEAD.

Seriously, what fucked up programmer creates a smiley-faced-beachball-of-doom as a foe? This is almost as crazy a villain as Chairface Chippendale, but without the funny.

Berzerk was certainly aptly named. In fact, I think it could have been called Apeshit or Suicidal, since the title was also the result of playing the game. It was my own little trip to Arkham Asylum, a short jaunt from Nostalgia Street.

PS: You can play Berzerk right HERE. Not that I recommend it, unless you're looking for an aneurism today.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Five Things I Think, October 17th

1) I think my legs hate me today. Running around like crazy for 2 nights running the Haunt, coupled with a 3.2 mile hike on Saturday with Little Danger strapped to my back, has left my lower limbs exceedingly pissed off. The hike was in a park we hadn’t been to before, and some sections of trail had a lot more verticality than I expected. We went up like a balloon and went down like a Kardashian. It was easily the most aggressive trail I’ve hiked this year.

Sweet, Haunt-y Goodness

2) I think Monday is flying by. I started this first thing this morning, and just looked at the clock…3pm. This is ridiculous, and obviously is part of some communist plot to steal a portion of my day to this thing called “work.” Given that I need some of that capitalist stuff called “money”, I guess I can’t really gripe.

3) I think you should check out Katrina Kittle’s blog. She’s an author I enjoy greatly, and is doing a great series of entries right now in which she posts a reason to be happy every day. This goes along with her recent book “Reasons To Be Happy”, which is a young adult novel but does not suffer for being one. I, for one, can use the reminder of the reasons I have to be happy.

4) I think I am a goddamn saint. The Village Idiot has been just killing me today with stupid. I had to kick her off the phones for the remainder of the day for my own sanity. Every workplace has one, ours is just clocking overtime hours for her brain cells lately. Prolonged contact to her occasionally makes me weep for the future of mankind.

5) I think, and I know some of you will judge me harshly for this one, that it’s been the kind of month that makes me want to take a day off, shut the home office door, and waste a day watching online porn and playing stupid online games. Anything that switches my brain to “OFF” for a day. Ever have a day like that?

Well, I hope your Monday didn't suck like a Peruvian aardvark. I GO!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

5 Things I Think, Oct 11

1) I think this whole pay cut thing is a giant ball of stress. While I’m glad I didn’t end up joining the ranks of the unemployed, the uncertainty of the next few months has me in a strange state of anxiety mixed with confidence. I don’t know how things are going to work out, but I have faith that they will. In the interim, Wifefish and I are seeking all opportunities for extra dollar bills.

Well, not all. I refuse to open Dangerboy Gigolo Escort service at this time. Or maybe I’m just holding out for a high bid…

2) I think the Haunted Trail had a good opening weekend. Which, frankly, I needed. I have a cap for the amount of stress I can actually carry around before I start behaving like an angry hippo.

It was a slow start, but that’s a good thing. We still had an inordinate amount of “carnage”: people ducking out halfway and heading back to the ticket booth, too scared to continue. Perhaps 8 of those in both nights, so we must be doing something right.

No pants-wetting yet, but we still have two more weekends.

Pro tip: if we say it’s too scary for kids, don’t be upset when your 10-year old runs out of a scene screaming. In any haunt, don’t ask the actors to “back off”. They won’t. They are there to SCARE YOU, and feed on sweet, sweet tears, screams, whimpers, and the spleens of those who pass out.

3) I think the Occupy Wall Street, and all the other Occupy protests going on, have the wrong target. They ought to be marching on DC. There will be no change in Wall Street unless and until corporate political sponsorship is abolished. As long as it behooves a congresscritter to create tax loopholes for their brother in law, as long as it is beneficial to get friends and relatives big fat government contracts and loans, as long as they pile on so much regulation that it’s cheaper to make things in China, then this shit will continue. Occupy the capital, and let’s get a real conversation going.

On this topic, a side-note…I’ve seen plenty of “other 99%” ideas, signs, rhetoric, and charts. The basis of these being that the “top 1%” has seen a disproportionate increase in their wealth. I don’t dispute that. But the chart I’m curious about is this: have they employed more people as their wealth has increased? Yes, the 24k employee of years ago is only 26k now, but is that rich fucker hiring more 26k employees than he used to? Nobody has shown me the answer to that question yet.

4) I think I enjoy not being relevant, as far as blogging goes. Well, not really…but this exchange was completely hilarious, and proved once again why I love the Bloggess. My absolute favorite bit there was “stand by for a demonstration of relevance.” We ALL want to put down “the man”, and it was nice to see Jenny whip a little ass on behalf of all of us who put our words out there on teh internets.

5) I think my douche-fu is downright mighty. An argument ensued this weekend between a douchecanoe and Wifefish over where cars would be parked. We were working a local festival and putting cars on my in-laws’ property, very close to said local festival. VIP parking, as it were.

The douche started in defensively as soon as I arrived, and I made a point of keeping the conversation short. He had, after all, given Wifefish a hard time and pissed her off with his obvious misogyny.

I provoked him by sitting in a camp chair in our lot, which he clearly couldn’t handle. After accusing Wifefish of heckling him, I told him, politely, to shove off, and returned to my chair. (She hadn’t “heckled”, she had merely won the argument.) Minutes later, he came charging over, asking to go over the “game plan.”

To make a long story short, I worked my douche-fu, inflating his ego at points and destroying him, politely, when he was demonstrably speaking false. He ended up giving us part of his lot for the next day, by way of apology. He was a veritable teddy bear for the entire day.

Kindness can kill, ladies and gents.

Well, that's 5 Things I Think...what are you thinkin'?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Sculpting with Fire

I suppose that by now, it goes without saying that I enjoy some fairly non-mainstream hobbies. Nothing truly weird, like poking badgers with spoons or celebrity stalking, but I do enjoy things like foam fighting and firesculpting.

“What’s firesculpting?” asks the imaginary you in my head? Well, I’m glad you asked.

I first encountered this tradition many years ago at a drum circle, as I watched a small group of men with red suspenders and toolbelts hauling timber into the fire. (Toolbelts that held welding gloves and cans of beer.) Before long, they’d built a structure out of burning wood that resembled a dragon with wings made of flame, jetting from the holes of a hollow log.

It was awesome, and the not-so-tiny pyro within me said “That is some cool shit, right there.”

These men were the Firetenders, an integral part of the drum circle. They kept the light and the heat happenin’, and made some cool art while they did it. Hollowed logs, color-changing metals, and raw flame were their tools. Not only could these guys make fire from two sticks and a tinder bundle like Cody fuckin’ Lundin, but they could sculpt it into awesome shapes and lights like a backwoods Vegas show.

Copper Sulfate or boric acid soaked wood makes a pretty flame. And freaks people the fuck out.

Thus did I pay attention and learn the ways of the flame. It’s not enough to make pretty fire; you have to make it a spectacle: a thing worth watching. I’ve watched tenders catch falling flaming logs, ride a burning slab of wood like it was a mechanical bull, and build intricate green-and-blue-flamed monstrosities.

Hell, I once played an old Cuban drum that was actively burning in a bonfire. (It was old and crappy, but what a way to send it out.)

In firetending, as with much of life, there are things that must be understood lest you become toast. There are hot spots and cool spots. There are ways to shield the heat, even as you roll a big hollow chimney up onto bright coals. There are ways to coax the flame up into that chimney, so that it produces a jet engine afterburner torch.

Boots and gloves and sweat are your friends. Water is a must, lest you dehydrate. It helps, I think, to be a little weird. Fortunately, I’ve got that last part covered. In spades.

Dangerboy and a pair of chimneys in full afterburner mode.

Just like drumming, I’m nowhere near as good at sculpting as the true masters. But, just like love, you don’t have to be perfect to enjoy it. You just have to have fun and try not to get burned.

What kind of odd hobbies do you enjoy?

Monday, October 3, 2011

5 Things I Think, October 3rd

1) I think there's about to be some drama around here, unfortunately. We lost a monster account in a very harsh way, and it's leaving a crater in the Dangerboy bank account of Chicxulub proportions. It'll be interesting to see if we can hang on. And by interesting, I of course mean as terrifying as a walk through a cafeteria for velociraptors in Lady Gaga's meat dress. Adventures in budget slashing must commence.

2) I think it's Monday and I still smell soflty of woodsmoke from Saturday night's bonfire. Also, I am sore as hell. Why, you ask? Because I had a bit of fun firesculpting and drumming. It was cold, so standing in the middle of a fire wasn't too bad. I did forget to drink enough water, so I woke up with a fire-hangover. Mental dry out fast with your face to the flame.

Two chimney logs torching it up

3) I think I should write something this week to explain that firesculpting thing. Along with all those other things I should be writing. #1 up there has really put a dent in my free time.

4) I think I forgot to pimp out my articles at Sprocket Ink last week. I had one go semi-viral, over 4,000 hits. I've not had that happen before, and it made me happy. It's about 'shrooms, man. Toadstooly awesome.

5) I think I'm amazed that the Detroit Lions have been whipping more ass than a dominatrix on 2-for-1 Tuesdays. They're 4 and 0, which hasn't happened since the days the Lions played the Christians in Rome. I watched the back end of their miracle comeback on Sunday, and it was ridiculous. Between Dallas imploding and Detroit having a fire in their belly like me on Habanero Taco night, it was a hell of a game. I only bring this up because I've given Detroit some shit here on the blog from time to time. As my team is currently 0 and 4, or LOSING, I must begrudgingly tip my hat to the Lions for turning it around. Actually, keep it up guys. We all love the Bad News Bears kind of story. Take it to the bowl, and I will send you a stuffed lemur.

OK, that's a Monday. And what a Monday it's been. I hope yours is far better than mine, and brings you a thousand smiles.

What do you think?

Monday, September 26, 2011

Five Things I Think, Sep 26

Wait, is this Monday? Really? Where did the weekend go? I swear, I had it just a minute ago. I think somebody hit me with a tire iron and took it out of my pockets. Sons-a-bitches.
Well, given that it is now Monday, no matter how much I might protest, I must hold forth five times to satisfy tradition. Here we go!

1) I think it was good to get back to some foam fighting yesterday. I've taken a long break due to a shoulder injury, compounded by weather as hot as Satan's underdrawers. It took a while to knock the rust off, which may account for the tire-ironing, but once I got going I settled in well. I only died to stupidity once, completely mistaking the enemy behind me for a teammate until feeling a series of foam-padded whacks on my spinal column that left bruises nowhere on my body, just a bit on the pride. Oooo, that stings. So that's why team sports have uniforms.

2) I think one of my favorite times of day is actually nighttime, and more specifically, storytime. Little Danger listens with rapt attention, whether I'm reading Mouse on the Moon, or Midsummer Night's Dream. So far, bedtime has been very simple...he rarely fights sleep after stories. I think it'll be great if that continues.

3) I think I had a good time at a local farm festival this Saturday. Wifefish was doing some facepainting, so Little Danger and I had a guys day. After a morning of piracy and Sith Lords, we enjoyed an afternoon with piglets and sheep, goats and farm cats. We'd gone from techno-rich to rural retro in the span of a few miles and a few minutes, and I hope we can keep him grounded in both worlds as he grows.
Wifefish painted an adorable big-head Vader on one kid's face. The force remains strong in this one.

4) I think it drives me insane when producers take a decent concept and screw it up with "drama." I used to like the show "Stormchasers", because tornadoes are cool and HD footage of them is cooler. Watching the new season opener was like watching a Godzilla movie, with all the screaming and shouting and "ohmigods".
Dear Discovery, bring back the science and the cool, and leave the histrionics to Jersey Shore. Love, Dangerboy.

5) I think crazytime of the year is here, a time where I am inevitably stretched far too thin. I hope this doesn't lead to me being sparse here, but the job certainly comes first. I have about 5 whiskey entries to write, a ton of stories, and maybe a rant or two. So it's not lack of material or drive, but rather time management that messes with me. Alas, alack, woe is me yadda yadda.

Monday continues! Let's whip it's posterior aspect!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Friday Fun!

I know I didn't post anything new here this week, and for that I humbly apologize. It's been one of those weeks. My Muse took a vacation and didn't arrange a replacement. Actually, that's a lie, the temp agency in my brain sent Stress to fill in, and that fucker writes stupid things.

"DUh, BILLS, boss." "Hey...ain't you gotta Haunt to get prepped? Why you only got 3 things crossed off the to do list?" "ummm...duh...Stressed out anxiety outta nowhere???"

Dude, you're fired. Go on back to the agency, just tell them I'll muddle through without Muse whenever that bitch takes a break.

I did manage to have a bit of fun over at Sprocket Ink, and I managed to lock down a bunch of sales at work. So it wasn't wasted, my productivity.

We talked about the NFL cracking down on fakers.

We talked about a real-life Weekend at Bernie's.

And that's about all I've had time for this week. Time to drink some scotch and slow down for a minute and a half, I think. Have a great weekend, and a very happy equinox to you!

Monday, September 19, 2011

5 Things I Think, Sep 19

1) I think it was a decent trip to Atlanta. By coincidence, the meeting I attended ended at the ballpark for Star Wars night with the Braves. They choked liked Vader was playing for the other team...when your 1st inning ends 4-0, you're in for a long night. I thought it odd to see stormtroopers putting their hands over their hearts for the National Anthem, and have to admit to the silly and uncharitble thought..."Oh, look, TSA agents!"
On the whole, business trips are better with beer and ball games.

2) I think Little Danger is already exploring his career options. He's decided, I think, on something with swords. A pirate, an itinerant adventurer, a gentleman duelist, perhaps even a supervillain.
He has fallen in love with his kid-weight foam swords, and scores a few hits on Daddy from time to time. I've fallen in love with his Han Solo grin as he stands en garde, preparing to release his barbaric Yawp in a full-on assault.

3) I think I'm glad Little Danger made it back from the dreaded Ikea in one piece. Wifefish took him along with Meemaw, and they explored the bane of my existence last week. Wifefish succumbed to the dreaded kottbullar, which we had for dinner last night along with potatismos, which is evidently the Ikea-fied way of saying mashed potatoes. Little Danger had potatismos hair by the end of dinner.
The lingonberry jam was delicious. There, I said it. But I'm still not going into that store anytime soon.

4) I think I am very happy to have been excused early from the jury pool this morning. The chairs in that box are torture devices. After only an hour of sitting in one, my lower back feels like it's been pummeled by a circus strong man with the big wooden mallet after having been trampled upon by a herd of rampaging pygmy sloths.

5) I think it be International Talk Like a Pirate Day this mornin'. Ye should be certain ta celebrate most hearty, swill some rum and tilt some ale. An' say "avast" a lot, and don't be afraid ta call yer lubber workmates "barnacle-sucking codswallops!" I'll be swillin' a shot o' The Kraken before I cast off fer the land o' sleep this eve, an' I'll be jabberin' nonsenical nauticals with Little Danger, me prime first mate, as well. But I'll try to keep it "normal" while I'm talking to clients today, limiting myself to a single "Yaaaar" per conversation.
They tell me moderation is important in life.

Bonus thought: I see that with only 1 more person clicking that "follow" button, I shall have triple digits on the follow list. Don't you want to be number 100?

Now, powder to the guns an' have a great Monday, ye mangy louts!!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Please Hammer, Don't Hurt Em

I hadn’t intended to play poker. I was just going to hang out for a bit, watching Little Danger while Wifefish played. I had the most mild of Saturday night intentions.

Some very vigorous arm-twisting and buy-in fronting from some friends ensued, and I was strongarmed into a slot at the table. A friend’s daughter volunteered to watch the lad. Truth be told, I didn’t fight the armtwisting very much. I loves me some poker.

Poker games with our group are always interesting. It’s a heavy theatre crowd, which leans toward raucous. There’s a husband and wife team that are goddamn poker ninjas, and sitting at a table with them is like sitting down at the dining room table of the Great White Poker Sharks next door in an evening gown of porterhouse and sausage. It really ain’t pretty.

They're kind of like this, but less silly.

We opened with some typical table banter and fun, and I mentioned that I would be going “All in” anytime I got deuce-seven off suit, well known as the absolute worst hand in Texas Hold ‘Em.

“I can never leave it alone,” I said, “I just have to drop the Hammer.” There was general hilarity and head shaking…and then shit got weird. Mathematical improbabilities stacked up so quickly that somewhere, a whale and a potted plant raced each other to the ground.

This NOT your friend.

Not one, not two, not even three but FIVE of the first eight hands produced flops, turns, and rivers that were winnable by deuce-seven. I won one of them thusly, in fact. We laughed uproariously. With great uproar. I apologized for bringing my weird mojo to the table, but I really didn’t mean it. We were having more fun than a barrel of strippers.

At some point, the 2-7 craziness seemed to subside. My turn to deal came around, and Jim said to me “Why don’t you deal me something really horrible, like 9-4 offsuit?”

I said I’d be happy to oblige, and with exaggerated care laid a card in front of him. “This is your 9,” I said.

I continued around the table, and delivered his second card. “And here is your 4.” The hand played out, and Mr. Shark showed his cards as he folded: 9-4 offsuit.

“I missed!!!” I yelled. There may have been more uproar. It was the loudest we’d been sans beer in a long time.

At some point, Little Danger got bored with the sitter, and needed some Daddy time. I put him on my knee and showed him my cards for a couple of hands, playing up that he was deciding what we were doing. On his third hand, I said “What should we do with this one?” and he pointed with great authority at the table… “DA!!!” he exclaimed.

“I think that means all in”, I said. I was short stacked, and had a chance at a straight draw, so I went for it. It turned into a 4 way all-in, everybody jumping in the pool like a pack of crazed third graders on a hot august day.

Needless to say, that was my last hand. Note to self…teach Little Danger basic poker rules before letting him tell me to go all in.

The tables combined after the carnage of losing 3 players at once, but our funky Hammer hijinks continued. One of the players at this table tossed his cards down to fold, and they flipped face-up on the way to the felt…showing deuce-seven of clubs.

“No!!!” several of us cried. “You never fold deuce-seven,” I admonished. “You’re going to regret that in just a minute.”

The board ended up showing 7-10-J-7-2. Somewhere on the planet, Stephen Hawking’s head exploded. There was more uproar. Before the game ended, I took Little Danger and exited, stage left. I walked out with a huge grin on my grill.

I did not win, not even the Charlie Sheen way. I didn’t place in the money. In fact, I left early to give Little Danger his nighttime milk and storytime before bed. But I will say this: I had more fun at the poker table than I’ve had in a long, long time.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Adoption Talk

“So…when are you having the talk?”

A friend and I were discussing adoption. He knew what we’d gone through to be united with Little Danger, and he had settled on a point of curiosity. I was confused by the question.

“Which talk, birds and bees?”

“No, THE talk.” I stared back at him blankly. I raised one eyebrow, quizzically. I’d always wanted to do something quizzically, anyhow.

“When are you going to tell him he’s adopted?” he asked, as if it were the most natural question in the world.

“Oh, we’ve already done that,” I answered, as if it were the most natural answer.

“But he’s not 1 yet…when are you going to tell him so he’ll understand?”

For us, that’s just not an issue. It’s something natural, something we bandy about. When he plays with that one certain toy, the one his birthmother gifted to him, we call it by her name. We call her his birthmother. We talk about how we love her, as a family, just like Memaw…well, maybe an aunt or uncle. Memaw is irreplaceable, moon pie.

Adoption is a fact, it will always be there. It’s his story, his background. It’ll be part of the scenery for us, just as it should be.

I mean, we don't go's not like we sing "Head, shoulders knees and toes you're adopted". But we also don't hide it. It just is.

We talked a bit more, but my friend still didn’t get it. “No, Danger, when do you tell him about it?”

This had gone on for a little while, and I had struggled to get the point across. Finally I saw my opening.

“Well, when do you think T is going to tell her kids they’re black?” He stopped talking, the look of a man just hit by a conversational 2x4 on his face.

“Oh, OK,” he said. The light of understanding had come on in his eyes. Sometimes, only the absurd example will work. We moved on to the really important stuff…football scores and wines.

I was reminded of this by Single Dad Laughing, and I can say I’ve been lucky never to have come across some of these rude damn questions. I am truly thankful for that.

Monday, September 12, 2011

5 Things I Think, Sep 12

Zzzzzz*snork!* wha? It's Monday again? Just five more minutes...
There is no 5 more minutes with a 1 year old. And hell, I don't need to take an hour off at the beginning of a Monday either.
But I'm writing this one while inventing a coffee bong. I think maybe iced coffee, so as not to scald the esophagus...hmm...

1) I think I'm getting annoyed with the scale. We are having a tug of war over the number 200...I want to see 199 and lower, and the scale refuses. Hitting the gym more often and hiking should help...Saturday's hike was 4.2 miles of beautiful trails (including waterfalls) with Little Danger strapped to my back. Do or do not, there is no try. Watch out, little digital scale...your time has come.

2) I think I had a blast playing an unexpected game of poker Saturday night. It was the most improbable and uproarious poker I've played, ever. And it deserves its own post this week.

3) I think yesterday's honey-mango-BBQ lamb and chicken was a good idea. Coupling it with a baked potato (and a sweet potato for Wifefish) and corn-on-the-cob was a good idea. But adding the Sam Adams Octoberfest was sheer genius.

4) I think our haunted trail is going to whip ass this year. I got some input by a man we all affectionately call our Monster Man...and he lives up to it quite well. Bwahahahaaaa! This is my evil laugh!

5) I think I'm glad I stayed away from the media overcoverage of the 9/11 tributes. I didn't like how every channel on the tube had some WTC-themed thing on. I know what yesterday was. I know what happened, it's viscerally imprinted upon me, like all Americans and much of the world over. And even though we all share the day, we share many days. Ultimately, my remembrance is a private thing, the tears shed and the fears felt are my own, even though I know you have them as well. Perhaps it's prickish of me to say, but I didn't need 583 TV shows to share it with.

It's the other days, the thousands since, that I live for...and the thousands hence, if I'm lucky.

Well, that's Monday started...make it a great one, gang!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Friday Fun!

It's the end of another week, and I'm glad I made it. This one has had ups and downs, but it looks like it'll end in the win column.

At Sprocket Ink this week,

I talked about the tiniest motor ever,

and I talked about a crazy TSA-agent-sues-blogger-who-she-molested story.

I also put up some new fiction, of the high fantasy variety. It's a bit long, but I had fun with it. This is 1st person, from a character who has much more brawn than's a challenge to write him slow and methodical in thought, but not stupid or boring to read.

Something that made me laugh have to read THIS to understand why THIS was completely hilarious. I would have given the kid an A, with only one red mark for spelling.

Have a great weekend, and "I'll catch you on the flip side."

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Dark Side, or the Dork Side?

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for you to strap in. This is a Dangerboy rant, and that means a stream of expletives will soon issue forth. If you do not like the use of enough F-bombs that a B-52 is required for their transport, it may well be time for you to click the red X. Still with me? Good…here we go.

This sets the tone nicely, I think.

Fuck you, George Lucas. I know that’s a fairly strong statement to use as an opener, but seriously, this guy has gone bonkers. There is a point at which you have GOT to stop tinkering with things that are better left alone.

Like our childhood, dickhead.

Look, I enjoyed some of the adds in the “special editions”. Really. I didn’t bitch too much about the prequels. I put up with the casting of the Sock Puppet. I dealt with said sock puppet replacing Sebastian Shaw in the final shots of Return of the Jedi. I allowed Jar Jar to eclipse C3P0 as the comedic foil in the prequels. I accepted, even though I bitch about it constantly, that “Yub Yub” is gone gone. But goddammit, just stop already.

George, you took a fantastic scene where Vader’s silent sacrifice, his mute crisis of conscience played out by brilliant tight shot on the blank mask of evil he had become, and you fucking ruined it by adding the whiny-bitch NOOOOOOOOO (you really wanna click that) that left me hating the end of episode III. Ruined. It.

Seriously, guys? It's called the Dark Side, not the Whiny Bitch Side.

Also, Han shot first, asswipe.

If you’re so hell bent on “fixing” things, why does Luke still yell “Carrie!” when he gets out of the X-Wing? Why does Captain Panaka call Bail Organa “Bail Antilles”? Come on, George, get with your own program! (There was a kerfuffle in explaining the Antilles/Organa goof, too. The official responses are…oddly disturbing.)

Look, I know these are your movies, and so you feel like you can change them willy-nilly and we’ll buy the everloving shit out of them. And you’re not far wrong, except for one little thing. We own them too, now. In our minds, we are a part of the whole Saga, the cheeseheads to your Frostbite Bowl, the kool-aid drinkers in your compound, the ewoks on your Endor.

And we say “Enough.”

This picture doesn't relate to this rant. I just like it.

Moreover, I say it with my wallet. I am not buying the Blue-Ray version, George. Not until DVDs cannot be played anymore. I want my son to watch Vader’s silent dilemma, the way I did. These aren’t the dollars you’re looking for.

Look, man, you made something wonderful. Something amazing. You shaped an entire fucking generation, and that’s no small task. The Force was clearly with you. But understand that you have slid down the path of the Dark Side, and forever will it dominate your destiny. I picture you grasping these Blu-Rays and tossing them down a shaft in the Death Star, redeeming yourself to us, the fans. But, then, you are the guy who made Howard the Duck.

And so I salute you, George, you and your “enhanced” Blu-ray versions of one of my favorite film series ever. But I salute them with one finger. Guess which one. I just hope I don’t end up like that Aqualish guy in the cantina after I do it.

Discounted from the normal arm and a leg.

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