Five Things I Think, July 15th

Occasionally, that muse walks up and smacks me in the back of the head.  Having thus been thwacked again today, it comes time to disgorge a wall of words to the blog.


1)  Little Danger turned 9 this week.  For almost a decade, I've been privileged to walk around under the mantle of Dad.  I can't imagine how the days have gone by so quickly, yet there they are, stretched out behind us.  Fortunately, there are some days stretched out ahead as well.  And today doesn't look half bad, either. 
There are days when he can prattle on and batter my frontal lobe into submission under a verbal assault of statements about absolutely nothing.  There are days when this tapdances on my last nerve.  Then I think about the fact that teenage years are just around the corner and I'm going to be starved for more than a 3 word sentence.  Maybe I'll just enjoy the logorrhea.

2) I've recently been recruited to become an assistant coach for Little Danger's football team.  Whereas I am a fan of the game, and a fan of the kid, I have dived ahead into this adventure.  I do have to postpone a bucket trip, but the boy is worth it. 
The challenge, of course, is that I didn't play football at a competitive level at any point.  The good news is that I've been digging through some videos about the fundamentals, and it translates to body mechanics that are similar to the fight choreo I've been teaching for over a couple decades.  Making that transition should be achievable. 
This also gives me an opportunity to do a bit of conditioning on my own dad bod while I'm at it.  This is going to be a wild ride, well out of my comfort zone.  I look forward to it.  (I am also looking forward to the boy resuming his pancake stacks and sacks a plenty.  Oh, yes.)

3) I started playing a new game with a new group, every other week.  This one is Wrath and Glory, the newest RPG in the Warhammer 40k setting.  It's an interesting, if currently rough, game.  The rulebook is a bit disjointed and has been handed off to a new company for a second print and continued development.  Nothing with 40k licensing is ever really easy, it seems.
The game itself follows a Deathwatch kill team, and we are ridiculously overpowered.  Our first session featured us happening to a group of Orks, unleashing a torrent of ammunition as nonstop and brain numbing as a a politician's twitter account.  Gratuitous is the word, I think. 
Laughter and fun were had.  No drama yet, but there is already some foreshadowing about insurmountable odds.  Well, that's why you send Space Marines.

4)  I think I had a great nature encounter with Little Danger.  I walked out of the barn in midday, and had to stop in my tracks.  There, just across our bridge, stood a denizen of the great outdoors, just half hidden by the trees.  I ran, quietly, back inside.  I grabbed the boy and we stealthed our way out, taking a seat in the grass.
"Whose butt is that?" I asked, pointing.  An odd question, you might think, but 1) butts are hilarious to 9 year olds and 2) that's the part we could see.
"A deer!" he replied.  And we watched as she took a step back, revealing her forward half, and stared at us for about 2 minutes before walking off into the tall grass.  I do like the country livin'.

5) I've been deeply examining the amount of scar tissue and baggage I walk around with.  Often, I wear it lightly.  At other times, it feels like a battleship chained to the psyche.  In any case, I think it's time to take the proverbial scalpel to some of it...some of these things feel like they belong to somebody else, that person I used to be.  They probably do. 

Five Things I Think, June 3rd

Thinkin'.  Writin'.  Sometimes procrastinatin'.

1) I think sometimes things line up, and you get a Big Weekend.  I just had one of those, filled with lots of experiences of differing type and flavor.  I loved it.
     We worked some tornado clean-up, watched Little Danger's baseball game, and had a gaming day of Dark Heresy (40k).  There was a bit of swimming pool and general relaxation thrown in there as well.  Reinforcing the lesson for LD of "work hard, play hard, relax like a cat." 

2) I think it's refreshing to see communities come together when shit goes down.  I further wish we could come together more often when shit isn't hitting the fan, but I will take what I can get.
     Memorial Day brought a supercell to the north Dayton area, which proceeded to pronounce a hearty "fuck you" with a host of tornadoes.  The biggest of these was a confirmed F-4.  We drove right out of the southern edge of this bad boy about 5 minutes ahead of it.  Little Danger asked how we would get away from a tornado if one happened...well, it turns out the answer was "what we're doing."
     There has been no shortage of volunteers working up that way, from folks grilling and working the food bank to folks bumrushing damage areas to work clean up.  Saturday, Wifefish, Little Danger, and I joined a group in one of those neighborhoods.  I grabbed the chainsaw and we toted the work gloves, water, and even some donuts and coffee to hand out. 
     I can't say we had fun, exactly, but we worked hard for a morning.  We impacted only five homes or so, but if you extrapolate the number of people doing what we did...well, there's a reason they say many hands make light work.  It was rewarding as hell, and if you ever get the chance to be part of disaster relief, do it.  Just do it.  We aren't working in there for days on end, but if everyone gives a few hours, or a few days, the insurmountable eventually becomes recovery. 
    I asked LD how he felt about his morning's work, and we explored that for a bit.  "We filled somebody's bucket", he said.   I love how he gets it.

 Also, that giant kid walking right there next to me?  He's about to turn 9. 

3) I think I am quite happy to see webshows like Critical Role and Shield of Tomorrow becoming so popular.  These gaming sessions on display show that particular magic of shared storytelling that brings adventure and hilarity and even drama to a game table.  People love these shows because they get to share in the fun. 
    Sunday, we played another installment in a Dark Heresy game we've had going for about a decade now.  That may seem a long time, but our games were quite infrequent in the early days. Our GM has a way of making things smooth when we come up with crazy shit to do, and a way of storytelling that immerses a player in the story.  Legends were continued, rugs were jerked from underfoot, confusion reigned, and hilarity ensued.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again...a day spent at the gaming table with good friends and good food is a day well spent. 

4) I think my yard is out of control.  The mower went down, and the repair guys have had it for 2 weeks now.  We have a lot of yard to mow, and I really miss my zero turn with the 60 inch wide cutting deck.  I never thought I would twitch and wish for a chance to mow.  Adulthood is fucking weird.

5) I still love living in the country.  The spring has gifted us with some giant morels, some tree frogs and salamanders, a gazillion lightning bugs, and a planting day wherein we put 197 trees in the ground.  Most of them are growing, though I do have to get out to that field and cut back some grass around them so they can have good light and such.  It is the season for fires and friends and bug spray, and I look forward to it.

Well, that's what I'm thinking today...Happy Monday!
    

Five Things I Think, Nov 30

Well, dear readers, it seems maybe I have some more thoughts rattling around in this head of mine.  Here they come.

1) I think I am avoiding the scale this week, like so many of us.  I dove headfirst into Turkey Day, and the Friendsgiving that followed.  Since Wifefish makes one of the best turkey wine-lemon-herb rubs known to mankind, I enjoyed it liberally.  And often.  Then the gaming charcuterie just put the coffin nail in me.  Roll me out the door, boys, I'm ready to get at 'er.

2) I think that sometimes, the only solution to your woes is a run of antibiotics.  I recently suffered my way through a head cold that decided it wanted to become a sinus infection of epic proportions.  My nose was producing so much mucus I thought about putting a seashell on it and calling it a snail.  Today, I'm 3 days into said antibiotics, and it's funny how you can feel reunited with oxygen freely entering your lungs without gasping like a landed carp.  I am enjoying life after emigrating back out of East Snotmucustan.

3) I think this is going to be a very, very challenging year professionally.  The changes to the tax laws have produced an absolutely fucking stupid overhaul to the forms which does absolutely fucking nothing except make it a talking point that some dipshit can point to and call "simpler" because of the way the first fucking page looks. 
It invalidates the mental map in my head...for years I have been able to quickly scan the first two pages of a return and spot anything irregular at a literal glance.  Now, just so some chucklefuck can crow into a microphone that it is the size of a postcard, I will have to scan 6 additional schedules.  So your Schedule C (small business) used to flow right onto your return...now it takes a useless fucking detour into a new schedule before it gets there.  Simpler, my ass. 
What this means for me this year is a whole lot of new stress and late nights as I plow through the learning curve and re-map some neurons to memorize the new "simpler" forms.  I have never actually kept a bottle of scotch in the office, but I am considering it for this year.

4) I think I'm geekily excited to start family RPG night.  Little Danger has chosen the Star Wars RPG, and wants to play a smuggler who becomes a rebel spy.  I have had a lifetime of rewarding adventures around a game table with good friends, and I am happy to continue this for him.  Also, Star Wars is inherently cool, so...  
via GIPHY

I plan to set our campaign in the Legends universe (where the books and such were before the Disney takeover), a few days after the destruction of the first Death Star.  There's a lot of room to play in a galaxy far, far away.  And since the old expanded universe was shot down by the new movies with a proton torpedo in its exhaust port, I have a huge, ready-made pile of stories I can farm for plots.  It will be interesting to see how he leaves his mark on the galaxy.  I bet when all is said and done, that Little Danger shoots first.   

5)  I think the absolute most annoying thing about Continuing Education in my profession, and probably in a lot of others, is the goddamn bullshit test questions.  More specifically, the answers.  2 wrong answers, 1 right answer, and 1 almost right answer.  The almost right answer is the specific bullshit that annoys. 
I think that we either know the answer or don't, and I personally cannot fucking stand it when I have to carefully parse through each option just to make sure that what I am selecting as the right answer is in fact the right answer.  I know the shit, or I don't know it, and trying to trick me into answering wrong is not effective testing.  I have hated this shit since I was 8 years old.  I will likely hate it when I am 78. 

A few more expletives this time around, it seems.  Well, that's what happens when I come across things that grind my gears.  I hope your day/week/month/holiday season is freaking excellent. 

Five Things I Think, Nov. 30

With only a tiny preamble, let's think.

1) I think that I hate being sick.  This is a no-brainer, really, but true nonetheless.  I am the stereotypical wimpstick male when ill.  I lament the weakness of my virus-violated frame while staring at a water glass not 7 inches out of my reach for minutes on end before finally breaking the magnified inertia to reach out, via Herculean effort, and grasp the object of my desire to slake a building fever thirst.
I fell ill on Sunday, and it is this weird cold that started about dead center of the bronchitis spots, where usually colds have to migrate to over a couple of painful weeks.  A fever arrived in short order after, and it was a will-sapping shiver fest of a fever indeed.  Until I looked at my thermometer and realized it only read 100.8.  Betrayed by reality.
To be fair, this one was (and lingers a bit for an is today) kind of brutal to me.  I broke out in a sweat I haven't encountered since the last time I tried to lie to my Mom so many years ago.  Under a pile of blankets, feeling so cold it was as if the emptiness of the void were calling through my extremities, I woke from a fitful sleep to find...well, I thought I'd pissed the bed, actually.  Fortunately for my dignity and the laundry I hadn't; I was merely experiencing the joy of quite literally dripping with sweat.
This is not the way to find the wet spot.  Nor to make one.  Fever is done, but man it would be nice to feel like I'd slept this week.  On the plus side, I finished Punisher on Netflix at about 4am a couple days back.

2) I think I've been a ball of stress lately, which may have helped #1 up there happen.  Selling an old house is a pain in the armpit. 
The previous house was built in 1920, and as such, has a few dated features.  We are on buyer #2, as the previous attempt fell apart like an overstuffed burrito supreme on the first bite, and was just as sloppy.  They had a friend of the family do their home inspection, and their first time realtor just gave us the whole list of things that weren't just totally perfect and said "fix this stuff."  That's...that's not how this works, gang.
Current buyer is asking for modernization updates out the wazoo, and waiting on estimates is only slightly less stressful than being tied to a bamboo cage while a live weasel slowly chews off an ear.  I would love to not lose money selling a perfectly wonderful domicile to someone who wants to buy it. I would also not like to tote mortgage and utilities on a house I don't live in over the winter. 
Still, I am glad we moved before marketing it.  Beats the heck out of living in a hotel between closings like the bro and sis in law had to.  They are made of sterner stuff perhaps than I. 

3) I think the holidays approach, like the Death Star to Yavin 4.  It seems that gift shopping has snuck up on me again, and it's time to find a day to get out there and launch torpedoes at the exhaust port of Christmas yet to come.  I might also be ready for a certain movie release coming up.  Maybe.

4) I think I enjoy a good movie.  I've seen two very different films recently: the new Thor movie and Murder on the Orient Express.  I enjoyed both for very different reasons.  I have heard people poopoo and boohoo them, and that's fine for them.  I liked 'em.  So there. 
It was, however, hard to get Little Danger to go to bed after Ragnarok, as he was running around the house with his foam Mjolnir blasting bad guys like crazy.  I may have smiled.  I may have thought about grabbing my Tony Stark shirt and blasting with him, but I was le tired. 

5) I think my wallet is in trouble.  Games Workshop has come back around to Necromunda, releasing new figures and weapons and an updated version of the game and...damn them.  Damn them all. 
So, Little Danger and I will spend some time I am sure going over the new stuff and playing games and I have to paint more and...well, I don't know if this is good or bad or both yet. 

Time will tell if there are more adventures in the Underhive of Hive Primus for LD and I and friends...and if his dice still love him so very, very much.  (He routinely slaughters my gangs despite my experience and his...interesting tactical choices.)

Well, there's my thinkin', amongst my coughin' and wheezin'.  What do you think?

Five Things I Think, Sep 9

It’s time again…let’s put on our thinking caps and enjoy, shall we?

1) I think I never get enough time at the lake.  I had waaaaay too much fun this trip, made more enjoyable by good friends, my awesome Little Danger and Wifefish, good food, and good booze. 

I also picked up a pair of these bad boys:  http://www.darkfingloves.com/  For those who are too lazy to click, let suffice the description of a pair of webbed gloves.  Coupled with a short pair of foot fins, I zipped around the lake like an otter on meth. The gloves are slender enough that you can still open a can of Samuel Adams with ease, put it in a coozie, and slurp away to your heart’s content.  You can even do it 12 times in a row.  If, by chance, you felt the need to do so. 

2) I think I’m pleased as punch about the new career.  It’s official now, Wifefish and I bought out the business.  We are officially business owners.  That’s both exhilarating and a bit frightening, but mostly the first one. 

I’ve been involved in the tax industry for years and years and years, but now I get to put all that knowledge and all my curiosity to work for clients of my very own.  I’ll be transitioning to a full time be-my-own-boss in January, and I’m looking forward to it like a beaver on the way to a tree farm. 

3) I think I’m enjoying the living history aspect of Pioneer Village.  Yes, we’ve made more progress on the cabin from 1797, but beyond that I’ve been learning some new skills. 

I got to work in the Smithy last time around, as did Little Danger.  I just worked the bellows for the blacksmith as he made some nails and such, but still, I got to learn something I didn’t know.  I’ll be making a point to get in there and learn every chance I get, because let’s face it…hot steel is awesome. 

Granted, our last foray out there for a museum event was as muggy as Satan’s jock strap, and a wasp used my neck as a bull’s eye for a loaded butt bombing run.  I may have made a noise akin to a mule having a surprise prostate exam.  Ah, the life of a pioneer has hardships, my friends.

4)  I think I truly understand the nature of ambivalence.  I’m at a point again with the Game where I am tired of it.  Events are awesome, I see great things, participate in wonderful theatre, get exercise, and just generally have fun.

Between events, though, I get to deal with crap.  Complaints.  Bitching.  Requests for special attention that would require me taking time away from career and family to sit down with players and mediate whatever dispute may be on their minds.  At least one person just stirring the shit pot trying to get a rise out of someone else, using me to do it. 

I’m not amused.  I find myself again looking at the calendar and wondering if running this thing is worth all the crap I put up with.  Game day, the answer is yes.  Today, the answer is no. 

5) I think it’s time for another kid brag.  Little Danger got bumped out of his swim class…not for being bad, but because they wanted him to swim in the next age bracket.  Good swimmer, that one, and he’s just done the width of the pool with no flotation device. 

I am truly in love with the way parenthood makes little milestones extraordinary.  You may recall my thoughts on bad dads some time ago, wherein I said my job is to lift him up, to raise him above me.  This is one such milestone…I didn’t learn to swim until high school.  He’s already able to tow me around in a rescue swim.

You see, last lake trip, I noticed he was moving around pretty darn well, so I decided about 5 boat lengths away from the pontoon to just stop and ask him to take me back to the boat.  We were both wearing jackets, because lake=85 feet deep, but he managed to haul me back in toot de suite in a nearly perfect rescue swim. 

Wifefish and I make it a habit not to tell him he can’t do things.  

Well, those are my thoughts for today...some good, some bad, all mine.  What do YOU think?

Five Things I Think, June 19

1) I think the progress we’re making on the 1797 cabin is fantastic.  A base log has been replaced, a sill log pulled and replaced with stone (to protect the overall structure), and most of the roofing supports sourced.  It was hard and heavy work, and I was still pretty sore at bedtime Monday night.  We might get this job done by our goal time frame of 1 year from start, which, for a guy as good at home improvement as Congress is at customer satisfaction, is one heck of an accomplishment.  

2)  I think I had a pretty cool Father’s Day.  Little Danger got to see many DeLoreans, including a Back To The Future repro that was quite amazing, and they even set the time machine to his birthday.  Too awesome, even though I didn’t get to take part in that adventure due to point #1 there…I was working with a crew of fantastic people while Wifefish possibly shouted “Great Scott!” 

There was a surprise encounter with a B-17 on my way home from cabin work, and I collected Wifefish and Little Danger to tour said Fortress.  It reminded me of a similar trip my Dad arranged for me, to the local municipal airport way back when, some 33 years ago.  Recursive parenting awesomeness for the win.

We finished the day with a trip to a local brewhouse for some fantastic food at a reasonable price, some really good beer, and a complimentary pint glass inscribed with the date, which was another surprise.  Suffice to say, the day did its level best to outdo my expectations in just about every way.  It succeeded. 

3)  I think I’m tired of the news.  Seriously, soul-suckingly tired.  I remember when the news was given to us with a bit of gravity, a bit of respect, and a care for the facts.  Now it’s all sensational. 

A radio station I am not going to listen to anymore tipped me over the edge this morning, dropping a tag of a sentence fragment just before discussing the “Iraq situation”. 

A deepened male voice, echoed up just like a monster truck commercial, announced “Turmoil in the Middle East!” as if I was supposed to buy a ticket for a seat, but only need the edge, this Sunday Sunday Sunday.  I put in a CD.  I’m tired of being shouted at, cajoled, marketed to, and annoyed.  I just want to know what’s going on.  Journalism may, in fact, be wheezing like a smoker on the stairs. 

4) I think it’s ironic that my most productive day this week was a vacation day from The Job.  I handled two clients in the morning for the new career, then went to the house and fixed a ceiling fan, vacuumed the floors, put away laundry, trimmed the fenceline, and even played a little pitch n’ catch with Little Danger in the front room.  I was like some sort of goddamned superdomesticman.  Behold, my feather duster of power, and the pruning shears of justice!

Then I went forth with the men-in-law and visited two taprooms at local craft breweries, and sampled many, many beers.  I’m in love with the craft beer revolution. This, too, proved productive, as we managed to make some great connections with fellow beer enthusiasts, and we settled on a creative and awesome way for me to display the growlers I’m collecting in the Pyrate Pub. 

5) I think I’m cautiously optimistic about the quality of JJ’s new Star Wars movie, but that ultimately I don’t care if it’s good or not.  Bottom line is this:  I will be able to take my son to an opening night of Star Wars in the theatre, something I never thought would happen.  It could be a steaming pile of monkey shit, and I’d sit diligently through two hours of solid lens-flare to experience it with Little Danger.

But if Jar Jar shows up, I’m going after JJ with a vintage 1977 Millenium Falcon and bludgeoning him with it until he looks like he’s gone 3 rounds with a rancor.  I’ll show up at his doorstep like a Gamorrean with a grudge.  It’d be all Darth Danger up in his mansion.  Just sayin’.  

So, gang...what do you Think today?

 

Five Things I Think, June 13

1) I think it’s nuts that June has arrived already.  This year is attempting to zip past like it’s trying to prevent bad things happening to Marty McFly.  It seems just yesterday that I was at the end of tax season, and now here I am looking at Midsummer.  

Hey, calendar, knock off these shenanigans!  I have things to do! (Things.  Like the mountain of laundry, the mountain of LARP laundry, the cleaning of the bar, the fixing of the ceiling fan light, the bathroom grout, the...well, you get the picture.) 

2)  I think I’m having fun with writing, even though you haven’t seen it here.  I’ve been picked up by a local publication, writing humorous beer articles.  The Venn diagram is one perfect circle between their needs and my interests.  It’s a happy thing.

It’s also a paid gig, which is pretty cool as well.  I’m trading words for shiny rocks, and whereas I will not be getting rich on this project, it will pay for the beer I research and, in turn, write about.    

3)  I think Little Danger is a fucking rock star.  He’s about to turn 4, and it’s been a great ride so far.  I am in awe of how often he smiles, how much he cares, and the way we share the world together.  Rock.  Star.  

I had the fun and awesome experience of drumming with him again recently, and this time he strapped on his little drum and stood next to me for a good half hour as we pounded out some rhythms.  Watching him dance around with a ton of friends was also especially endearing, and a level of magical silliness I’ve not witnessed in 21 years of drumming at that location.  Of course, I’m biased.  And I feel not one ounce of shame about it.  (Though that sentence fragment did get a twitch out of my inner grammar police.  As did that one.) 

4) I think hitting 40 has not been in any way as “bad” as some had led me to expect.  I feel like I’m hitting my stride.  I work out more than I ever have before; I still lead the pack on hikes and battles (when fighting with foam).  I just don’t feel the need for a mid-life crisis at all.  I’m thinking about penciling it in for my 52^nd birthday. 

Given that this year Wifefish, the Kushies, and I have started restoring a cabin built in 1797, I have a completely different perspective on age than once I did.  When you’re working on lumber that was stacked together almost 220 years ago, 40 seems downright juvenile.  Although it is refreshing to realize that modern life expectancy makes me quite likely to hit a century.  I have a goal, people.  Now get off my lawn!

It's a fixer upper.

5) I think, as I reflect further on point 4 there, that history can be completely awesome.  In researching the time period of the cabin’s construction, I found some amazing provenance, a journal written by a man who traveled with the cabin’s original owner.  I know the exact date the first log was laid, the experiences they had getting to that point, and even what they hunted for that first morning.  (Bear.  Motherfucking black bears hunted by chopping down their tree and shooting them when they hit the ground, hopefully before they mauled your face off.  Pioneer living was not for the weak.)

I also discovered some roots in my family that I hadn’t been able to find previously, and traced my line back to those same gentlemen.  It turns out I have direct ties to the battle of Point Pleasant, and to the American Revolution.  I’ve a long ago cousin who was a bona fide, grade A badass.  It’s made me look at my skill set and think about adding some of those primitive living skills I’ve always thought about, but never bothered to work on.  It’s started with cabin-building, now I’m going to look at some true woodscraft to enjoy with Little Danger as he grows.  Why not? 

I hope you, dear reader, have a great day.  So…what do you think?

Five Things I Think, March 12

1) I think, and I have had this thought before, that it’s been too long since I’ve written.  There are so many things going on for me right now, both good and bad, and I’ve been remiss in putting them to words. 

            This is the year that I’ve begun to transition from one career to another, and this seems to be treating me well thus far.  I enjoy the work, I like the boss (me), and it’s not bad money. 

            This is the year that I’ve been watching Little Danger grow by leaps and bounds, physically and mentally.  He’s a beacon, a light that calls me home with a beaming smile and a “cuddle me jus’ a little bit.” 

            This is the year that The Company has started on a comeback trail, but has done a poor job in implementation.  I’ve fielded some pretty terrible tech support calls in which we are the screw-up, not the client, and I have come to hate waiting on programmers to fix the problem.  See item 1 above…I like having the ability to fix my own screw ups or fail on my own merits, as opposed to reliance on the fruits of another’s labor.  Especially when that fruit is not as sweet as once it may have been.

            This is the year that Wifefish and I have started fighting our way out of our corner, relying on each other to tag-team our problems as if we were the freakin’ Road Warriors.  (For the record, I’m Hawk.)  Granted, neither one of us is wearing a Mohawk just now, but we are giving the massive suplex of doom to our problems…together. 

            This is the year that we have a regular weekly game running with some friends, playing Dark Heresy every Tuesday.  I’ve so long wanted to have a weekly game, and now that I have one going, I’m pleased as punch, especially given that football season is over, and there’s no weekly Monday Night Football to be had.  Tuesday Night kill heretics in the name of the Emperor is every bit as fun for me. 

            This is the year that I make some changes, and they seem to be for the better.

2)  I think Little Danger makes me giggle sometimes.  Last week, as we were gaming, he went to the kitchen pantry for a snack.  The mind of a 3 year old is a strange thing. 

            Pepper the crazy terrier was accompanying him, and he kept pushing her away, saying “No, I no need help!”  Of course, Pepper has the comprehension capacity of a sweet potato, and so kept merrily attempting to play with him.  More pushing ensued, and Wifefish corrected him, saying he couldn’t push her away like that, it would only add more energy to her play.

            So the boy looks thoughtful for a moment, grabs a dog biscuit from said pantry and hands it to the dog, who merrily takes off for a solitary dining experience in her kennel in the front room.  Little Danger then triumphantly perused the pantry for a snack as we, the supposed adults, laughed uproariously and I beamed at his problem-solving skills. 

            Way to go, Little Danger. 

3)  I think the Snowplow Saga has drained me.  I’ll have to post the whole story, but suffice to say that being backed over by a city vehicle, driven by one who was completely at fault, left me without the minivan.  We now have a brand spankin’ new Ford Escape, which I am moderately happy about.  We now have a ridiculous car payment, which has left me feeling about like I’ve just traipsed through a lumberjack camp dressed as a mighty pine tree.  I’m not suffering from buyer’s remorse, though, but a case of wanting to beat the everlovin’ apefuck out of the douchecanoe who, through his overwhelming dumbfuckery, took away the van that had been fully paid off.  Alas, such is not to be. 

4) I think that while my son is in every way awesome, and in fact more awesome than anyone on the planet, there is one foible he possesses that is both maddeningly frustrating and deeply hilarious.  Note, if you are a something-in-law to me, STOP READING NOW.

Wifefish and I have given Little Danger another nickname, one which he has earned.  Due to his amazing ability to sense from anywhere in the house, whether awake or asleep, if there is any sort of marital affection in the works and further due to his uncanny power to interrupt any such activity at the most inopportune time, we have gifted him with the moniker Captain Cockblock.  (Note that it's a secret name, one we dare not let him hear until he's 20.)  It’s his special supervillain power. 

 The Captain threatens the safety of Metropolis...

(note to the in-laws.  I did tell you to stop reading.  This uncomfortable feeling you have right now?  Totally your fault.) 

Why, just this very morning, he proved his ability.  Sadly, his “spidey sexy sense” doesn’t know humor from reality.  I strolled into the bedroom fresh from the shower, and jokingly said to Wifefish, waving my hands at my chest as if some freakish takeoff on Vanna White displaying freshly-purchased vowels, “Would you like any of this before I put it away?”

Approximately 8.7 microseconds later, a voice rose up the stairwell, in its best ore rotundo glorificus, “MOOOOOOMMMM!  Need help making Star Wars go!”  Needless to say, Wifefish and I shared a moment of euphoric laughter as I got dressed. 

5) I think I’m tired of winter.  I know, I know, huge revelation there.  It’s like being tired of politics or Bieber.  I’m just ready for a little warmth, a little green, and less shivering and gas bills.  OH LOADY THE GAS BILLS! 

This winter came in every bit as brutally as the no-stripe wooly worms suggested this year, and decided to muck up the joint like the rudest house guest ever.  Not only did it put its feet on our couch, but it wiped its nethers on grandma’s drapes and used the doilies for a snotrag.  Rude bastard. 

Worse, it’s keeping me from an awesome project that I can’t wait to dive into.  More on that another time, though. 

I hope you, dear reader, have a great day.  So…what do you think?

Five Things I Think, Aug 15

1) I think I’m no fan of the effects of stress on the human body.  The tail end of last week was a metaphorical shit sandwich served with a side of fuckyou fries and an extra large cup of “go broke motherfucker.” 

Our washing machine kicked the bucket, or at least became nonfunctional enough that we can’t use it.  Wifefish and I, both stressed to the gills, had one of our incredibly rare but always fiery Heated Discussions ™, and once the smoke cleared we realized we’d not gotten one inch closer to paying all the people that need paid. 

Thus do I feel like a truck hit me.  I could use a massage of the therapeutic kind, one of those that really digs the knots out, as opposed to those available at certain truck stops around the country.  Not that I know anything about those. 

On the plus side, I was able to work out some aggression by destroying the massive concrete sink that was doing nothing but taking up space in the laundry room via 10 pound sledgehammer.  I refer to it as “percussive therapy.”  It is hooked to nothing, and can be hooked to nothing in the foreseeable future, but was just sitting, canceling approximately 18 cubic feet of space in said laundry area.  It won’t do that again. 

2) I think it’s important never to take yourself so seriously that you’re not willing to hide behind ottomans with your 3 year old son portraying Iron Man to his Captain America.  He kept yelling at me to “Get the bad guys!” and throwing his shield to me so I could take my turn hiding from their bullets.  I guess he forgot that as Iron Man, I’m armored to the hilt and thus bulletproof.  Or maybe he just wants to protect me as much as I do him. 

 This is an artist's rendering of how cool Little Danger and I are in real life.  That's him on the left.

Either way, it was an absolute blast catching that foam shield tossed my way, beating down imaginary bad guys, and tossing it back to him so he could get the bad guys on his side of the room.  Take that, Hydra. 

3) I think it’s fun to send lead downrange.  Wifefish and I hooked up with a good friend on Saturday and shot a few guns.  Little Danger thus got his first instructions on the difference between toy and real, and why real guns are never to be used as toys, and always to be used safely.  And not by him until he’s old enough, just like driving a car. 

He was quite impressed with the gravity of the situation, staying with mommy or daddy while the other went to the firing line, and not complaining even one little bit.  He did take a few shots at the target from said safety position with a bright green water gun, though. 

For Wifefish’s part, she did pretty well as a first time shooter, putting some .22 rifle shots dead center…by which I mean 5 in the red center ring out of 13, and all 13 on the target. Not bad at all. 

For my part, I managed to put in a good showing despite some time away from the range.    

4)  I think I’m building up to some true rants.  I’m waffling between fatigue from the news and a desire for activism of late.  I just get sickened by all the idiotic BS we the people put up with, and maybe it’s time for me to start getting it off my chest, instead of sticking my head in the sand.  I know that may turn some folk off, so if I go that route I’ll try to keep it entertaining.  If I do choose to engage in activism, I will not be supporting side A or side B, that’s for sure.  I’m a 3^rd party guy, through and through, and I yearn for a party strong enough to challenge the status quo…because, as Dr Horrible once said, the status isn’t quo. 

Man, if only I had a freeze ray. 

5) I think you should read this article.  I find this reporter to be diligent and credible; what appears as occasional bias is in fact well-researched and documented.  It’s not hard to see his personal feelings on the subject, but I’m going to give him a pass on this one, because cops killing innocents by accident (and dogs on purpose) is bound to piss someone off.

Now that you’ve read that, I’m going to let you know that I agree with every common sense proposal he makes in that article.  I’ve met both kinds of cops: the protect-and-serve community cops and the tough-as-nails us vs them jackholes.  I prefer the former, in nearly every situation. 

It is inexcusable that we incarcerate such a high number of people for non-violent, and in some cases non-victim, crimes.  Hell, I don’t mind tossing a thief in jail, but the fact that you and I have to pay for three hots and a cot for a guy who likes to doob it up a bit is kind of ridiculous.  The fact that SWAT teams are busting in doors for recreational users, not even dealers but just pot smokers, is patently reprehensible.

Maybe it’s time for a change or two.    

So, gang…what do YOU think?  Oh, look, there's a comment button for you to share your thoughts...click it!

Five Things I Think, Aug 8

1) I think I never tire of singing Little Danger’s praises.  It’s kind of amazing how little kids level up like intrepid adventurers sometimes, how one day something may be beyond them and the next they are masters in the making.

We had another Lake Therapy session this weekend, and a more eventful than most at that.  On Saturday, we anchored the pontoon boat in a cove that has a lovely little waterfall on the left bank. It’s truly a pretty spot.

My brother in law and I set out from the boat to said waterfall, a good 70 yard swim.  As we made it to the trickling water, we noticed his kids, Lizardbelly and the General, behind us.  What surprised us most, though, was Little Danger and his Memaw swimming toward us as well. He was in the lead by a good 6 feet or so.   

Little Danger made the entire 70 yards (we were all wearing lifejackets, but he still had a good strong stroke going) and insisted on swimming up under the waterfall on his own, giggling the while.  He didn’t want to leave the waterfall, but as there was a good deal of drift and trash under there, we didn’t linger.  He then insisted on the return trip with no assistance as well.

 Little Man loves the lake

He further spent the next 40 minutes jumping off the boat into the lake with his cousins, an endless cycle of jump to Memaw, swim to the ladder, climb the ladder, run to the bow, jump to Memaw…

This from the kid that 2 days earlier didn’t want to get his face wet in the lake.  They grow up so fast. 

2) I think I didn’t want another dog.  Alas, sometimes we are chosen.

We spent part of our Lake Therapy tied up in a cove, houseboat beached in the wayback with little to no traffic.  On our second day, we were visited by two strays, skinny little things with no collars. 

Try as we might, they never left.  We did that thing you aren’t supposed to do, and fed them.  They inhaled the food, much as we suspected they would. They slept on the bow of the boat, and when Little Danger woke up he said “Where my Lake Dog?”

Our third day on the lake was interrupted by a trip to the vet for the strays.

One came home to us, the other to the General and Lizardbelly’s house.  SUCKERS.  That’s us.  

But how can you say “go away” to this face?  They have a semi-clean bill of health, now that the ticks have been killed.  They have just about every worm that a dog can host, so we have to keep her semi-segregated from Oberon the mighty for a while, especially her poop. 

She might be at the office with me right now.  I might be a pushover.  I didn’t want another dog. 

Whereas my son loves the Avengers, and insists that he is Captain America and I am Ironman (and Wifefish is Hulk…evidently you wouldn’t like her when she’s angry), and whereas I am a giant geek, we have decided to call this girl Pepper, as in Pepper Potts.  Extra added geek cool factor:  We rescued Pepper, and Pepper Potts got an armor suit in the comics, which was called Rescue.  Recursive fun for the win.  

3) I think things are about to be tighter than I like again.  Like whoa.  I get to deal with the end of a foreclosure on the rental house, which marks the endcap of my failure as a landlord.  I’m not thrilled about it, but it is what it is.  2014 will be the year of trying to repair fucked up credit, amongst other things. 

Getting to 2014 is going to be a challenge.  Whereas things have been looking up, the loss of the rent income is definitely something we’re going to feel.  There’s too much long term opportunity and not enough make shit happen right now, and I need to move some of column A into column B here.  To that end, I’ll be testing for one of the licenses I need at the end of the month.  Hopefully I can keep the upward trend going, even with the current challenges. 

4)  I think I like lunches at the office now.  I was gifted a new grill, so I brought my old one in to the office.  Now, I can go to the local market and buy about 4 pounds of chicken drumsticks or thighs for $7, a few veggie packs for $1, and make dinner for a week on the same amount of money it would cost me to get a chicken sandwich value meal for one day.  And it’s grilled.  Bonus. 

Downside?  It feels absolutely fucking unnatural to grill meat with no beer in hand, to eat said seared flesh with no beer near.  A nice tall glass of water suffices, but only barely.  If hashtags were a thing in blogs, this would be the next entry: #firstworldproblems.  But they’re not, so that should be the last hashtag you see here.  If not, feel free to shoot me in the big toe with a paintball gun. 

5) I think you should brush up on your civil rights.  You can read many sources and discover some disturbing trends.  Many of you are familiar with my feelings about the TSA, but did you know their VIPR teams are now at sporting events and highway rest stops?  You should, and you should know your rights.

You should know your rights when speaking to the police, regarding anything.  You should know each and every one of the Ten Amendments, and even if you don’t like some of them, you should think about why they are important.  You should get to know a defense attorney, even if you think you’ll never need one.  I know three, and they are the only lawyers I’ve ever met that are actual warm human beings. 

This last thought isn’t really about anything specific, just a reminder to my readers…look at the civil liberties you are supposed to have, and then please reflect on the liberties you give up every day.  It’s a bit frightening, really. 

So, gang…what do YOU think?

Five Things I Think, July 23

1) I think it can be hilarious having a toddler.  What’d he do this time, you ask?  Well, it’s that whole being a copy-monkey thing.  He will occasionally parrot the last thing he hears, a phenomenon that has caused me to curtail the use of my very favorite word.

Recently, at his second 3^rd birthday party (the one with our friends), Wifefish tossed an epithet at one of the attendees who, as he was leaving, made an off-hand joke about going home for a ménage a mois.  “Masturbator!” she called him.  Fortunately, Little Danger wasn’t paying much attention.  “See you later!” he yelled.  We all lost it.   My boy is a comedian. 

2) I think it was an absolute blast watching my boy’s first T-ball practice.  He hit the ball with authority, then ran after it to throw it to first base.  Not quite getting the structure of the game just yet, that one.  It was also somewhat adorable how he would get to each base and stop, jumping on it with both feet.  I’m looking forward to seeing how he likes the game as the rules are processed and understood.  

Little Danger the adventurer!

3) I think I’m a bit tired of the whole Zimmerman trial thing.  Look, here’s my quick take on it.  Yes, it sucks balls that a kid died.  No, it wasn’t “murder”, because that’s kind of specific, and the prosecutor really should have damn well known it.  No, it wasn’t a “proper response by a gun owner”, because a responsible gun owner should have, knowing the police were on the way, surveilled the “suspect” from a safe distance, and not been in a position for anyone to be beating their head against pavement in the first damn place. 

My strongest condemnation, though, goes to the fucking media for turning this thing into a racist circus, calling Zimmerman a “white Hispanic”, editing tapes to make it sound as damning as possible, and creating a hue and cry where truly it shouldn’t have existed.  Responsible reporting is dead, people.  As a fucking doornail.  It’s become hard work to read any story, because you have to dig through all the fluff and bullshit to find any facts, and then go look for the rest of the facts across 18 news sources.  This condemnation may in fact lead to a Things I Hate sometime soon, because it really grinds my gears.

4)  I think that occasionally, one must make a silly decision, that is, a decision to be silly.  Today I made such a choice.  Wifefish has an alarm on her cellphone that is a string quartet, beginning with a nice cello line that is supposed to gently entice you to the land of wakefulness from out your blissful slumber.  Whereas it fails to do so quite as gently as one might wish, I have decided to pretend that it is not a cellphone at all, but the girls of Bond playing for us.  Wearing bowties.  That’s all.  (Yes, I’m going to the lecher’s hell, but I’m comfortable with my labels.) 

5) I think I may end up in the special Hell.  I had some lamb shoulder chops last night for dinner, broiled with a roasted peach whiskey sauce.  They were absofuckinglutely delicious.  This is not, however, the reason that I’m going to hell. 

Little Danger watches a show on Netflix sometimes called “Timmy Time”, a claymation show about a group of barnyard animals in preschool…Timmy is “A little lamb with a lot to learn”, according to the theme song.

That is, according to the theme song which I was gleefully humming while eating my dinner.  According to Wifefish, “You’re just not right.”  I agree with her.  

So what do you think, gang?  Let me know right there with the comment button...

Five Things I Think, July 8

1) I think the garden is faring far better this year.  I know the Southwest is hurting, but the Midwest has been enjoying enough rain to really support the crops.  Last year’s drought made our garden an anemic exercise in futility, whereas this season we’ve been dragging zucchini the size of your head out of this bad boy. 

It’s kind of awesome to dice up Squashzilla, throw it in the grill basket with some Roasted Peach Whiskey Sauce and some onion, and enjoy the fruits…well, the veggies of our labor.

2) I think it’s a good day.  For many reasons do I think this, not least of which is that today, Little Danger turns 3.  It’s amazing to think that 3 years have gone by so quickly, and that we will now have known him for longer than we looked for him.  

It was a long road, but it was more than worth it.  I do not get tired of people telling me I have a cool kid.  I do not get tired of his ability to charm, to make friends, to share, and to care.  I hope he doesn’t, either.

3) I think one of my favorite things to watch Little Danger do is dance.  He abandons all pretense at civilization, and jumps, runs, wiggles, and even rolls around on the ground in his appreciation of both music and attention.  

We went to a local club to watch a friend throw down some good oldies tunes with his band, and Little Danger ate it up.  He owned the dance floor like a lobbyist owns a Senator. 

At one point, he just lay down and logrolled across the floor, and repeated the action when the onlookers giggled.  His wild gyrations inspired the sound guy to come join him, both of them logrolling in a toddler-inspired joie de vivre that left a wide smile on my face for the night. 

4) I think I’m tired of working too hard for my fun.  I’ve been running a project for almost 10 years now that is like a second full time job at times.  Whereas it’s been fun and rewarding, I’m ready to pass the torch to someone who has the fire to keep it going.  I have a new career to focus on, licensures to gain, and a book of business to build, and this requires a tighter beam of attention than I’ve had for quite some time. 

As an example, I opened my email to more than a dozen requests that add up to an aggregate 6 or so hours of work, all preparing for a weekend long event.  Sadly, the simple math is that those who need the most are getting the least, as I triage the hours of effort into more important endeavours.  I’m letting people down, but in the thing that only pays me in fun.  It’s a strange dichotomy of “right choice” versus “feels like failure” that never sits right with me.  

I’m really not sure how this one gets fixed, and it’s giving me some stress.  But on the bright side, it’s totally a fucking first world problem. 

5)  I think it’s getting close to the time when public opinion crosses the tipping point on government overreach.  The liberties we’re losing are looking more and more like the days of McCarthy, a time when people went through the Red Scare and tiptoed everywhere in fear of the fucking commies.  

Now our boogeyman is the terrorist, and to this boogeyman we have sacrificed a great many things.  From the recent FISA court issues, to the NSA metadata overreach, to my favorite jackbooted thugs the TSA, we keep giving and giving more liberty for an illusion of safety.  When, I wonder, do we finally look up and say “Enough?”  Soon, I hope.  

Given that we have just celebrated Independence Day, a day that saw us throwing off the chains of unreasonable searches and overreaching government, this has been on my mind of late.   

So, gang...what do YOU think today?

Five Things I Think, June 27

Let’s put on our thinking caps again, shall we?  It’s been a good week…

1) I think I regret accidentally shooting my wife in the back of the head.  And now that the FBI is reading the blog, allow me to explain.

            We were on the road, heading to The Lake.  The Vibe had been packed with clothes and Little Danger’s life jacket and tasty treats aplenty, including a wine bag.  In that bag was a bottle of Moscato, a lovely, but somewhat fizzy, wine that Wifefish adores.

            The road got a bit rough, and the bottles slid from vertical to slightly horizontal.  Pro tip:  one should not store fizzy wines horizontally.

            Suddenly, a scream issued from the rear seat and wine splattered throughout the car.  Now, when I say throughout, I mean that it was like the blood spatters in a Quentin Tarantino flick.  There was Moscato on the windshield.  Think Pulp Fiction.

            The pressure in the bottle had built to the point where it had fired the cork at point-blank range into the back of Wifefish’s cranium, further ricocheting somewhere in the car to some nook or cranny that will render it an archeological artifact. 

            I added insult to injury when we pulled off the interstate, as I brought us to a stop somewhat quickly…and the still-sideways bottle sloshed from o’er Wifefish’s shoulder and all over her dress.  This led to a massive cleanup effort and parking lot wardrobe change for her, as we tried to keep her modesty intact.  It also led to a single, solitary tear rolling down my cheek as I dropped the near-empty bottle into the trash can.  Like the Indian in the litter commercial, I was moved by the loss of something beautiful…a bottle of Moscato.

We spent the rest of the road trip making absolutely sure we didn’t get pulled over, lest an officer think we were a rolling wino tour de force.   

2)  I think whoever created the “Relaxation Station” knew exactly what they were doing. We tied up the houseboat in a cove, and then most of us jumped in the raft to chill out.  Granted, for Little Danger, the thing serves as a giant trampoline jumping pool thing, as he launches himself from the seats into the netting in the middle like a crazed lemming in a temporal moebius loop. 

Note to designers:  design flaw exists.  Cupholders will not hold a wine bottle. 

Note to self:  you could have had the Moscato in this thing, you moron.

Note to Wifefish:  I’m really sorry about the Moscato.

3)  I think Little Danger has become obsessed.  Wifefish has revealed unto him that his upcoming 3^rd birthday will be celebrated with a Star Wars bedroom, complete with custom built AT-AT bed and wall murals, and a handmade R2-D2 trash can.

            Not a day goes by that he doesn’t ask “Where my Shtarwarsbed?”  Obsession, thy name is toddler.

             Needless to say, this very blog will feature a pic-heavy post with a preponderance of images when the project is perfected.  I may be every bit as excited as he is. 

4)  I think I’m glad I got to run a game this calendar year.  I’m trying to get another one in quickly, though.  A 4 hour Deathwatch session just wasn’t enough to do more than whet my appetite for some good RPG sittin’ around the table with junk food and beer and good friends fun.  I feel the need for a breakfast-lunch-dinner gameathon comin’ on. 

5) I think it was an exciting 48 hours on the political front.  Between an amazing filibuster in Texas (google that shit) and a sweet SCOTUS decision, it seems there’s still some life left in liberty after all.  And forgive me if I seem overly victory dance on this, but of late our dear government machine had started looking less like the Great American Melting Pot and more like Mordor meets eleventy billion levels of bureaucracy.

           

I’m happy that DOMA was struck down.  It was, at its core, a law designed to deny rights to a group of Americans.  In that sense, it had to go, as it was in fact unconstitutional.  That’s going to be logically true no matter which side of the “gay issues” you stand on, dear reader, so if you wish to rebut, make certain you have some ironclad logic or I will gleefully make a fool of you in my comments section.

 I’m also happy because I think it’s OK to be Takei, and if somewhere down the line Little Danger decided (or discovered) he was into boys instead of girls, I want him to be able to live that life with as much normalcy as it deserves, instead of all the hoopla that currently surrounds it.  I have gay friends that are married already, just not in the eyes of the state.  It’s time for that to change.  (The eyes, not the married.) 

As for the Texas filibuster, I just couldn’t help but get involved.  I may have called a Texas Senator “nimblenuts” directly.  Look, I’m sick to death of wild hyperbole in politics.  Here’s his incredibly stupid, irresponsible, and completely false tweet, and my reply.  

@Bill_Zedler Hey nimblenuts, in what way did they create terror?  Signed, an out-of-stater laughing at your wild hyperbole.
— Dangerboy (@DangerLeanings) June 26, 2013

Really?  TERRORIST?  So what you’re saying is that in addition to standing and talking, Wendy Davis threatened to poison the water supply unless you dropped it?  No?

Then surely she said she would detonate a bomb if the bill passed.  No?

Then perhaps she intimated that an Emu Death Squad would systematically raid the family homesteads of each Senator in opposition?  What, NO?  

All she did was speak?  Then that doesn’t equal a terrorist, you dimwitted shitsack.  Handy rule of thumb:  if Batman wouldn’t punch the person out, they’re not engaged in terrorist activity.  With the noted exception of Robin, of course.  Sometimes you just have to knock a ward around.  

So, gang…what do you think?  Tell me right here in the comments!