Five Things I Think, June 13

And away we go!

1) I think I'm a zombie, as is Wifefish.  No, we haven't started snorting bath salts and joined the zombie dumbpocalypse...we have a toddler.  He's been waking in the middle of the night, and the only thing that can console him is Daddy. 
Whereas this is heartwarming, it's also damnably inconvenient, as it has been for parents for time immemorial.  We are but treading footsteps that have been trodden more often than a politician takes a bribe.  It is part of the human experience, and thus I find myself rejoicing if I've only been woken once or twice. 
As a side-thought...that bath salt thing is fucking freaky.  Whereas I have no moral objection to mind-altering substances, there seems to be a line between mood-enhancing drugs and Holy Shitballs on a Polar Bear Why The Fuck Would You Do That drugs.  I think the "salts" are in category two.  "Hell, I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight, or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman, or if I'm gettin' paid - mostly only when I'm gettin' paid. But these Reavers... last ten years they show up like the bogeyman from stories. Eating people alive? Where's that get fun?" 

2) I think that a day spent at the zoo is far preferable to a day at work.  I blew a day of vacation to join Little Danger and Wifefish for a day of animal hijinks.  We were joined by good friend Ruffstuff, and Danger's cousins Lizardbelly and The General.  Yes, I enjoy these nicknames too. 
It was a fine day, filled with fun.  It was not the office.  Rhino poop, though stinky, is sometimes far preferable to the office air freshener. 
My personal treat was checked off early in the day, feeding a giraffe.  The long-necked creatures hold a special fascination for me.  (Really, click that if you don't recall the tale.)  Little Danger, for his part, wasn't sure what to think of the proceedings.  I think the fact he could only really see the giraffe's head and neck lent a strange "what the hell is that disembodied neck" air to the experience.

The Giraffe seems more inquisitive than Little Danger

 

I'm the one with the bald spot.

3) I think I have mixed feelings about being a landlord again.  Whereas the tenants are people I know to be reliable, I have the headache of a second house and its upkeep again, and "Dangerboy:  Slumlord" just doesn't have a good ring to it.  But hey, there are tax write offs for each repair.  That's gotta be a silver lining, right?  (Cue Krusty the Clown grumble.)
On the plus side, they have already themed the bar back in a pirate direction, so there is a second Pyrate Pub in operation close by.  And that's why the rum's gone.

4) I think it's hilarious and awesome when someone gets the Streisand effect right upside their head.  If you look over on the right hand side of this blog, you'll see that I follow The Oatmeal, a quality webcomic/blog/humor site. 
Here are your Cliff Notes for the fun you've missed this week.  1 year ago, Matt Inman got pissy with FunnyJunk (no, I'm not linking their douchebag site) for lifting many of his comics with no credit, slathering them with ads and earning revenue.  They took a few of them down.
This week, Charles Carreon picked a fight with a Bearodactyl, serving a letter to Matt demanding 20,000 dollars in a case of FunnyJunk being butthurt over the truth being out there.  Matt's response can be boiled down to the essentials with "Snort my taint" (thanks Popehat for that phrase...).  Operation BearLove Good Cancer Bad was born, and rather than pay 20k to him, he'd run a fundraiser for both World Wildlife Federation and American Cancer Society, and send a picture of the money to him.  (Along with a picture of "your mom seducing a kodiak bear.)
Cue the internet:  those who have clicked the donate button have raised over $150,000, combining the act of lifting the middle finger to a bully lawyer douche ( a censorious dickbag to be certain) and fighting cancer.
This should be the end of the story, but no.  Charlie doubled down on dumb, reporting Matt to the website he's using to collect funds for violating their terms of use.  What kind of dumbshit tries to stop a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society in a pissing match?
The kind of guy who thinks he can win against the entire internet.  Yes, he just tripled down on stupid.  You just can't make this shit up.

For my part, I support the Oatmeal completely.  What happened here is that someone tried to use a lawyer as a bully, and the victim was smarter, more popular, and frankly more worthy.  Incidentally, there are a line of volunteers to take Inman's case pro bono if this ever does go to court, so suffice to say Captain Carreon is kind of...screwed. 

5) I think my son is a superhero in the making.  If you whisper "I'm Batman", he will respond.  Behold the moment he slapped a tortilla mask on his face, proclaiming in a fear-inspiring whisper worthy of the Dark Knight:  "Um Bahhpah!" 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why being me is awesome.  Because I get to live with that.  Every. Goddam.  Day.


Let's hear it...what do you think?  Click the comments, click the follow buttons, stick around! 

Five Things I Think, The End of May

June has nearly arrived, and I can't help but think, "Already???" This year seems to be flowing by like a flooded river, carrying the detritus of upstream disaster past as I hang on and wait for the waters to recede.  It's been a year. 

1) I think that it's important to "sharpen the saw", to keep yourself in touch with the things that recharge you.  I spent a bit of time this past weekend out in the woods grooving with some of my favorite drummers and dancers, and I've come away again recharged and smiling.
In whatever we do, we have to take some time for ourselves. 

2) I think it's important to communicate, listen, and learn...even when you might be a master.  I watched a drummer of great talent, a teacher, come into an environment he did not know:  our organic groove of a drum circle.  This man played as if he were teaching class and performing, and while he had great skill, it was jarring.  It was as if I shared a road with Mario Andretti in traffic, and he thought he was on the track.  It was as if a french whore had though your garden party was the workplace...it just didn't fit, and nearly offensively so. 
We may be masters of what we do, but even amateurs may teach, if we are willing to learn. 

3) I think Little Danger is living up to his name.  Our little daredevil rode down the waterslide on the back of the houseboat, taking the plunge into the lake (of course in his lifejacket).  He came up with a look of "What the hell was that?", and chose not to repeat the ride, but still he gave it a try, and he's not yet 2.  I was filled with equal parts pride and worry; the kid is often fearless and leads with his forehead, like a battering ram of cuteness.

Little Danger and Dangerboy...wastin' time...

4) I think...no, I know...that I hate waiting.  It's been a rough financial year, and I have put together an opportunity that should make all well again, if not better.  And yet, I must wait on endless departments to dot their I's and cross their T's.  How I long to simply shake a hand and make something happen; it's the way I prefer to do business. 
Perhaps that makes me a dinosaur, a throwback to a different, less-lawyered time. 
Although I like the idea of being a dinosaur...a Dangerboyaraptor, or perhaps a Dangersaurus.  But not Rex...I drum, and could not live with tiny arms. 
In any case, the insufferable waiting is the absolute worst.  I feel like I'm sitting at the starting gate for hours, hoping my horse doesn't fall asleep.  And since I'm a jockey with a beergut, that seems more likely than if I were one of those tiny fellows.  


5) I think I have a busy month ahead...airsoft, larp, gaming, work on the basement, swapping renters at the rental house, houseboat trip, and far more.  Plus normal work and toddler-raising.  It promises to be an exciting ride, and I'm looking forward to it!

Tell me what you're thinkin'!  Take a look at that comment button down there...or that follow button up there!  Click 'em! 

Five Things I Think, Mid May

Life accelerates as age accrues, it seems.  And yet, some things rest in a state of sluggish inertia.  We are drawn to traditions, familiarities, and memory even as we look for our future.  We are some fucked up creatures.

1) I think it was a good birthday.  I've now been on the planet for 38 orbits around the sun, and there were birthday wishes aplenty.  And a damn fine bottle of tequila. And a childish game of laser tag at the place I used to run.  So much fun.   

2)  I think it's important as one ages to remain young.  As long as I'm still outpacing the 18-20 crowd at Airsoft games, laser tag, and LARPs, then I know I'm not old.  That being said, I make it a point never to play Airsoft with college football stars. 

3) I think it's important for those who go into the great outdoors to realize that the shit is wild out there.  It's not WalMart, it's not a fucking resort hotel, and it's not 100% predictable.  As many of you know, Wifefish has a gig working at a teaching farm.  They host field trips and youth programs.  This was an actual exchange at said farm.
Dumbass Entitled Parent:  "The mosquitos are really bad."  (It bears mentioning that in the great midwest, there wasn't much of a hard freeze this year.  We're going to be wading through clouds of the little bloodsuckers.)
Wifefish: "Yes, it's a bad year for them."
DEP: "Well, they're really bad by the tire swing."
Wifefish: "There are a lot.  And we don't have any standing water out here, so we're not sure where they're coming from."  (She tries to be nice, really, she does.)
DEP: "Well you should do something about them."

And what, I rhetorically ask the man in absentia, would you have them do?  Post a "Keep out bloodsuckers" sign?  Granted, that might get rid of some Twilight fans, but I'm pretty sure insects are illiterate.  Perhaps spray a bunch of chemicals on their highly-organic farm, ruining the shit out of the bug life they're displaying as part of an outdoor education program?  Wait, I got an idea...buy your kid some Deep Woods OFF and shut the fuck up, you entitled dipshit!  It's EARTH, muhfucka!  It's filled with BUGS! 
God may have given us dominion in book of Genesis over all animals, but you can bet Mother Nature chuckled behind her hand and said "Lo, but wait!  I shall also give unto the world so many critters to piss you off it ain't even funny!" 
Just be glad we live in Mosquitoland and not BEAR COUNTRY.  The mosquitoes only eat a small, tiny piece of you...not the whole enchilada. 
And that rant right there is why they don't let me work at the farm. 

4) I think that any project, no matter how simple or complex, is more fun with a good helper.

That's the beginnings of our raised garden.  That little boy and I got Wifefish over a ton of dirt for Mother's Day, which is going into those boxes.  Yes, I bought my wife dirt, and she was happy about it.  It's a strange life I live, but an interesting one. 

5) I think I need new pants.  I started the Caveman diet this year, and most of my pants are attempting to fall off my body.  I do not miss the pounds I've lost, and I still have a bit more bellyectomy to go.  It's been a challenge not being that guy and talking about the diet all the time, but it astounds me how often it comes up.  Of course, given that I've just brought it up on my own out here on the internets, perhaps I'm the problem.  :)


Well, there's my five for the week.  Have as great a day as you can make, my friends and total strangers.  :)

Five Things I Think, or subtitled Holy Crap, He's Back!

Wow, it has been a long time.  How's that for an overwhelming grasp of the obvious?  It's been a whirlwind few months.  Tax season is over, and it was a rough one...one of the worst the IRS has had in years and years, which made my job harder by far.  And yet, I'm still standing...so I'll put it in the win column!
Here are my 5 things:

1) I think that getting a childhood illness in adulthood almost universally sucks metaphorical donkey balls.  I recently contracted Hand, Foot and Mouth disease.  It was hell.  I don't recommend it.  What started as strep throat type symptoms and treatment led to a hand rash that quickly had me thinking I was allergic to penicillin.  And then my feet broke out too, and the antihistamines did nothing, and I was as perplexed as a poodle passing peach pits. 
Fortunately, I have a great doctor, one who really clicks with me.  I.E., he's a fucking smartass with an ability to diagnose and treat at Mach 4.  He's a handshaker, so upon entering the office I had to wince as the painful rash made contact with skin.  He saw that, looked at my hands, and said "Damn...I might regret that handshake.  Open your mouth, OK?"
Which I did.
"Oh, good.  There were only two things that could be, and I was sure you didn't have syphilis. Let me get the book to show you some pictures, you'll love this.  That's HFM!"
"So, what can I do about the damnable discomfort, Doc?"
He shrugged his shoulders.  "Suffer through it."
I explained my allergy to pain.  "Well, we could see if you respond to a steroid blast.  That can help."
I eagerly agreed.  "OK, get ready for a shot then."
I shook my head.
"Pills?"
I nodded.
"Alrighty then.  I'll send the scrip to your pharmacy.  I'm not shaking your hand again, by the way", he said, with an impish grin.
 
Well, I'm happy to report that I am not going the way of Ben Franklin, I'm not allergic to penicillin either.  But I did have to suffer through some nastiness.  When terrycloth is torture, you have some mean shit.  The 'roids helped, I didn't rage, and managed to get back on my feet in a few days. 

2) I think it's been a while since we've shared a shot of this guy.  This was a few months ago, actually, but the cute factor is overpowering.

Little Danger has happy feet!

I have to live with this.  Every. Day.  It breaks my brain sometimes, because he's a handsome and charming dude, who absolutely loves to make his parents laugh.  Life is good.

3)  I think it's ridonkulous that I'm already seeing political ads on my TV.  November is MONTHS from now, you freakin' douchecanoes!  I don't CARE about your idiotic attack ads, and I'm sick of the lot of you.  That's a serious cliff notes version of what I really think...perhaps it's time to kick back some Scotch and tear up a true Dangerboy Rant. 

4) I think I'm nuts.  The LARP is back up and running, and I'm having a blast with it.  So what do I do?  I design a second game, to run every other month that the current one isn't running.  Sometimes, creativity can be a harsh bitch of a mistress.  That being said, I'm really jazzed about getting some playtests in this year.  This may seem cryptic to some of you, suffice to say I will explain.

5) I think, for the first time in a long time, I'm ready for a holiday ahead of time.  All the Mother's Day shopping was done yesterday, and necessary though thoughtful gifts are being given.  As I am notoriously horrible at shopping, I've shocked myself.  I can't usually be trusted to know what day it is, much less what day is coming around the corner like an Atlantic City streetwalker.  I'll be further surprised if I can repeat the phenomenon.

Well, gang...that's my five for today.  I'm happy to be back, and looking forward to getting back in the groove.  I've only been writing rules and background lately, so I'm happy to bring some funny and deep again.  Let's see how it works out, eh?

So...what do you think today?