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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Five Things I Think, Mid May

Life accelerates as age accrues, it seems.  And yet, some things rest in a state of sluggish inertia.  We are drawn to traditions, familiarities, and memory even as we look for our future.  We are some fucked up creatures.

1) I think it was a good birthday.  I've now been on the planet for 38 orbits around the sun, and there were birthday wishes aplenty.  And a damn fine bottle of tequila. And a childish game of laser tag at the place I used to run.  So much fun.   

2)  I think it's important as one ages to remain young.  As long as I'm still outpacing the 18-20 crowd at Airsoft games, laser tag, and LARPs, then I know I'm not old.  That being said, I make it a point never to play Airsoft with college football stars. 

3) I think it's important for those who go into the great outdoors to realize that the shit is wild out there.  It's not WalMart, it's not a fucking resort hotel, and it's not 100% predictable.  As many of you know, Wifefish has a gig working at a teaching farm.  They host field trips and youth programs.  This was an actual exchange at said farm.
Dumbass Entitled Parent:  "The mosquitos are really bad."  (It bears mentioning that in the great midwest, there wasn't much of a hard freeze this year.  We're going to be wading through clouds of the little bloodsuckers.)
Wifefish: "Yes, it's a bad year for them."
DEP: "Well, they're really bad by the tire swing."
Wifefish: "There are a lot.  And we don't have any standing water out here, so we're not sure where they're coming from."  (She tries to be nice, really, she does.)
DEP: "Well you should do something about them."

And what, I rhetorically ask the man in absentia, would you have them do?  Post a "Keep out bloodsuckers" sign?  Granted, that might get rid of some Twilight fans, but I'm pretty sure insects are illiterate.  Perhaps spray a bunch of chemicals on their highly-organic farm, ruining the shit out of the bug life they're displaying as part of an outdoor education program?  Wait, I got an your kid some Deep Woods OFF and shut the fuck up, you entitled dipshit!  It's EARTH, muhfucka!  It's filled with BUGS! 
God may have given us dominion in book of Genesis over all animals, but you can bet Mother Nature chuckled behind her hand and said "Lo, but wait!  I shall also give unto the world so many critters to piss you off it ain't even funny!" 
Just be glad we live in Mosquitoland and not BEAR COUNTRY.  The mosquitoes only eat a small, tiny piece of you...not the whole enchilada. 
And that rant right there is why they don't let me work at the farm. 

4) I think that any project, no matter how simple or complex, is more fun with a good helper.

That's the beginnings of our raised garden.  That little boy and I got Wifefish over a ton of dirt for Mother's Day, which is going into those boxes.  Yes, I bought my wife dirt, and she was happy about it.  It's a strange life I live, but an interesting one. 

5) I think I need new pants.  I started the Caveman diet this year, and most of my pants are attempting to fall off my body.  I do not miss the pounds I've lost, and I still have a bit more bellyectomy to go.  It's been a challenge not being that guy and talking about the diet all the time, but it astounds me how often it comes up.  Of course, given that I've just brought it up on my own out here on the internets, perhaps I'm the problem.  :)

Well, there's my five for the week.  Have as great a day as you can make, my friends and total strangers.  :)


  1. Great seeing these posts up again!

  2. I agree with Ghurnar (don't get too used to it, tee hee)!

    Though, I move that Dumbass Entitled Parent be re-dubbed Dumbass Entitled Reasonless Parent (or some other R word that would fit well) so that it can be shortened to DERP, which sums it up pretty nicely, I think. :D

  3. How about we put some of that damn fine tequila in the birdbath? Think it'll kill the mosquitos? Heh.

    Oh, that photo of Lil Danger in the box is just too cute. You're both good boys. Yes you are. ;)


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