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Friday, June 15, 2012

Five Things I Think, June 13

And away we go!

1) I think I'm a zombie, as is Wifefish.  No, we haven't started snorting bath salts and joined the zombie dumbpocalypse...we have a toddler.  He's been waking in the middle of the night, and the only thing that can console him is Daddy. 
Whereas this is heartwarming, it's also damnably inconvenient, as it has been for parents for time immemorial.  We are but treading footsteps that have been trodden more often than a politician takes a bribe.  It is part of the human experience, and thus I find myself rejoicing if I've only been woken once or twice. 
As a side-thought...that bath salt thing is fucking freaky.  Whereas I have no moral objection to mind-altering substances, there seems to be a line between mood-enhancing drugs and Holy Shitballs on a Polar Bear Why The Fuck Would You Do That drugs.  I think the "salts" are in category two.  "Hell, I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight, or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman, or if I'm gettin' paid - mostly only when I'm gettin' paid. But these Reavers... last ten years they show up like the bogeyman from stories. Eating people alive? Where's that get fun?" 

2) I think that a day spent at the zoo is far preferable to a day at work.  I blew a day of vacation to join Little Danger and Wifefish for a day of animal hijinks.  We were joined by good friend Ruffstuff, and Danger's cousins Lizardbelly and The General.  Yes, I enjoy these nicknames too. 
It was a fine day, filled with fun.  It was not the office.  Rhino poop, though stinky, is sometimes far preferable to the office air freshener. 
My personal treat was checked off early in the day, feeding a giraffe.  The long-necked creatures hold a special fascination for me.  (Really, click that if you don't recall the tale.)  Little Danger, for his part, wasn't sure what to think of the proceedings.  I think the fact he could only really see the giraffe's head and neck lent a strange "what the hell is that disembodied neck" air to the experience.

The Giraffe seems more inquisitive than Little Danger

I'm the one with the bald spot.

3) I think I have mixed feelings about being a landlord again.  Whereas the tenants are people I know to be reliable, I have the headache of a second house and its upkeep again, and "Dangerboy:  Slumlord" just doesn't have a good ring to it.  But hey, there are tax write offs for each repair.  That's gotta be a silver lining, right?  (Cue Krusty the Clown grumble.)
On the plus side, they have already themed the bar back in a pirate direction, so there is a second Pyrate Pub in operation close by.  And that's why the rum's gone.

4) I think it's hilarious and awesome when someone gets the Streisand effect right upside their head.  If you look over on the right hand side of this blog, you'll see that I follow The Oatmeal, a quality webcomic/blog/humor site. 
Here are your Cliff Notes for the fun you've missed this week.  1 year ago, Matt Inman got pissy with FunnyJunk (no, I'm not linking their douchebag site) for lifting many of his comics with no credit, slathering them with ads and earning revenue.  They took a few of them down.
This week, Charles Carreon picked a fight with a Bearodactyl, serving a letter to Matt demanding 20,000 dollars in a case of FunnyJunk being butthurt over the truth being out there.  Matt's response can be boiled down to the essentials with "Snort my taint" (thanks Popehat for that phrase...).  Operation BearLove Good Cancer Bad was born, and rather than pay 20k to him, he'd run a fundraiser for both World Wildlife Federation and American Cancer Society, and send a picture of the money to him.  (Along with a picture of "your mom seducing a kodiak bear.)
Cue the internet:  those who have clicked the donate button have raised over $150,000, combining the act of lifting the middle finger to a bully lawyer douche ( a censorious dickbag to be certain) and fighting cancer.
This should be the end of the story, but no.  Charlie doubled down on dumb, reporting Matt to the website he's using to collect funds for violating their terms of use.  What kind of dumbshit tries to stop a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society in a pissing match?
The kind of guy who thinks he can win against the entire internet.  Yes, he just tripled down on stupid.  You just can't make this shit up.

For my part, I support the Oatmeal completely.  What happened here is that someone tried to use a lawyer as a bully, and the victim was smarter, more popular, and frankly more worthy.  Incidentally, there are a line of volunteers to take Inman's case pro bono if this ever does go to court, so suffice to say Captain Carreon is kind of...screwed. 

5) I think my son is a superhero in the making.  If you whisper "I'm Batman", he will respond.  Behold the moment he slapped a tortilla mask on his face, proclaiming in a fear-inspiring whisper worthy of the Dark Knight:  "Um Bahhpah!" 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why being me is awesome.  Because I get to live with that.  Every. Goddam.  Day.

Let's hear it...what do you think?  Click the comments, click the follow buttons, stick around! 


  1. Tittysprinkles.

  2. That Lil Danger is just too cute. Yes, I know I've said it before, but I thought it needed to be said again. And I don't blame him for looking a bit befuddled by the 1/2 giraffe. I'd feel the same way.

    Good luck with the new Landlord duties. Fun, fun. :)
    (I'll be checking out the oatmeal.)

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