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Friday, June 11, 2010

How Archvillains Are Created

I'm not exactly certain yet, I'll have to check with costuming, but I may have become an Archvillain this very morning. What is it that will release my rage upon an unsuspecting public? The morning commute.

I don't live in L.A., so my morning commute should never be akin to a tour of duty in Afghanistan. But alas, stupid people can be just as dangerous as IED's. Perhaps I should up-armor my minivan, or at least mount a .50 cal on it.

While driving, the vehicle only slightly ahead of me and to my right drifted into my lane at the speed of smell, and proceeded to coast down to about 40 miles per hour in a 55 zone. When traffic finally gave me the gap I needed to get around Zippy The Wonder Slug, I of course decided to give the offending moron the Death Glare, which surely would cause her head to explode spontaneously in a veritable bouquet of pyrotechnics and gore. Unfortunately, upon seeing the cause of her speed change, my disbelief caused my mental bolts of fury to backfire, and I may have had a minor aneursim.

She was reading a cookbook.

I shit you not, in the middle of morning traffic on one of the most accident prone pieces of asphalted real estate in town, this Future Darwin Winner was browsing recipes in the slow lane. I drove on, my powers drained, leaving her head intact.

For now.

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