Five Things I Think, Aug 15

1) I think I’m no fan of the effects of stress on the human body.  The tail end of last week was a metaphorical shit sandwich served with a side of fuckyou fries and an extra large cup of “go broke motherfucker.” 

Our washing machine kicked the bucket, or at least became nonfunctional enough that we can’t use it.  Wifefish and I, both stressed to the gills, had one of our incredibly rare but always fiery Heated Discussions ™, and once the smoke cleared we realized we’d not gotten one inch closer to paying all the people that need paid. 

Thus do I feel like a truck hit me.  I could use a massage of the therapeutic kind, one of those that really digs the knots out, as opposed to those available at certain truck stops around the country.  Not that I know anything about those. 

On the plus side, I was able to work out some aggression by destroying the massive concrete sink that was doing nothing but taking up space in the laundry room via 10 pound sledgehammer.  I refer to it as “percussive therapy.”  It is hooked to nothing, and can be hooked to nothing in the foreseeable future, but was just sitting, canceling approximately 18 cubic feet of space in said laundry area.  It won’t do that again. 

2) I think it’s important never to take yourself so seriously that you’re not willing to hide behind ottomans with your 3 year old son portraying Iron Man to his Captain America.  He kept yelling at me to “Get the bad guys!” and throwing his shield to me so I could take my turn hiding from their bullets.  I guess he forgot that as Iron Man, I’m armored to the hilt and thus bulletproof.  Or maybe he just wants to protect me as much as I do him. 

 This is an artist's rendering of how cool Little Danger and I are in real life.  That's him on the left.

Either way, it was an absolute blast catching that foam shield tossed my way, beating down imaginary bad guys, and tossing it back to him so he could get the bad guys on his side of the room.  Take that, Hydra. 

3) I think it’s fun to send lead downrange.  Wifefish and I hooked up with a good friend on Saturday and shot a few guns.  Little Danger thus got his first instructions on the difference between toy and real, and why real guns are never to be used as toys, and always to be used safely.  And not by him until he’s old enough, just like driving a car. 

He was quite impressed with the gravity of the situation, staying with mommy or daddy while the other went to the firing line, and not complaining even one little bit.  He did take a few shots at the target from said safety position with a bright green water gun, though. 

For Wifefish’s part, she did pretty well as a first time shooter, putting some .22 rifle shots dead center…by which I mean 5 in the red center ring out of 13, and all 13 on the target. Not bad at all. 

For my part, I managed to put in a good showing despite some time away from the range.    

4)  I think I’m building up to some true rants.  I’m waffling between fatigue from the news and a desire for activism of late.  I just get sickened by all the idiotic BS we the people put up with, and maybe it’s time for me to start getting it off my chest, instead of sticking my head in the sand.  I know that may turn some folk off, so if I go that route I’ll try to keep it entertaining.  If I do choose to engage in activism, I will not be supporting side A or side B, that’s for sure.  I’m a 3^rd party guy, through and through, and I yearn for a party strong enough to challenge the status quo…because, as Dr Horrible once said, the status isn’t quo. 

Man, if only I had a freeze ray. 

5) I think you should read this article.  I find this reporter to be diligent and credible; what appears as occasional bias is in fact well-researched and documented.  It’s not hard to see his personal feelings on the subject, but I’m going to give him a pass on this one, because cops killing innocents by accident (and dogs on purpose) is bound to piss someone off.

Now that you’ve read that, I’m going to let you know that I agree with every common sense proposal he makes in that article.  I’ve met both kinds of cops: the protect-and-serve community cops and the tough-as-nails us vs them jackholes.  I prefer the former, in nearly every situation. 

It is inexcusable that we incarcerate such a high number of people for non-violent, and in some cases non-victim, crimes.  Hell, I don’t mind tossing a thief in jail, but the fact that you and I have to pay for three hots and a cot for a guy who likes to doob it up a bit is kind of ridiculous.  The fact that SWAT teams are busting in doors for recreational users, not even dealers but just pot smokers, is patently reprehensible.

Maybe it’s time for a change or two.    

So, gang…what do YOU think?  Oh, look, there's a comment button for you to share your thoughts...click it!

Beer, Beer, Beer vol 4

Good day to you!  It is time, my friends, to take another stroll through the alcoholic haze together.  Today, we’re going to be taking a trip over the pond to jolly old England.  We’re also going to depart from the grain and hop, and move solidly into Johnny Appleseed’s territory.  Today’s offering is Strongbow hard cider.

Let me start with a one word description: yummy.  I know that’s got all the sophistication of an episode of Honey Boo Boo, but bear with me here. 

For me, a glass of Strongbow takes me into a nostalgic trip in the avenues of my mind to Headington, and the Royal Standard Pub.  This is the first place I ever had Strongbow, unchilled and on draught. 

We visited the Royal Standard, just a short jaunt from a house with a fucking shark sticking out of its roof, on the first day of our trip.  A good dry cider, it turns out, is a fantastic way to tell your jetlag to “buggar off”. 

source

  No, really, a fucking SHARK.

The cutest little bartender greeted me when I sidled up to the bar, a lovely brunette who schooled me on the methods of tipping at British pubs…one doesn’t tip money, one offers to buy the barman or barmaid a half-pint of their own.  When I asked for her suggestion for a warm summer day, she pointed to the Strongbow tap.  She poured my cider and with an overly bright smile said “Here you go, guvnah!” 

Despite Wifefish’s presence not 11 feet from me, I fell in love for a moment.  Then I sipped my cider, and it happened again.  I bought the barmaid a half-pint in lieu of a dozen roses.

Fortunately for me, Wifefish has a forgiving soul, so she forgave me my trespasses and chalked it up to jetlag, and jokingly told me I was free to date the dispenser of my drunk-nectar.  The family laughed it up at my expense, which really was just fine by me…I had a full pint of crisp apple goodness in a glass.

It may well be nostalgia that gives my taste buds so much to say about Strongbow; the fine folks at Beer Advocate score this one with a paltry 14, due to the use of artificial flavors.  I was surprised to discover this, actually.  For my part, I find the flavor crisp, a bit dry, and just sweet enough.  It’s my favorite cider thus far, and let me tell you I’m a samplin’ sumbitch.  Toss something new and boozy in front of me, and I will try it, within reason.  (If you serve me something called a “sweaty crotchfruit”, I will push it back to you unsipped.)

Here in the States, the ‘Bow is available both in pint cans and lower capacity bottles.  Why anyone wouldn’t opt for the full pint is beyond me, but some cretins prefer bottles just because they’re bottles, and whereas they are far better for hand to hand combat once you’re deep in your cups, I’ll take the can every single time. I urge you to do the same!

Strongbow Cider:  give it a try, and Bottoms Up! 

Five Things I Think, Aug 8

1) I think I never tire of singing Little Danger’s praises.  It’s kind of amazing how little kids level up like intrepid adventurers sometimes, how one day something may be beyond them and the next they are masters in the making.

We had another Lake Therapy session this weekend, and a more eventful than most at that.  On Saturday, we anchored the pontoon boat in a cove that has a lovely little waterfall on the left bank. It’s truly a pretty spot.

My brother in law and I set out from the boat to said waterfall, a good 70 yard swim.  As we made it to the trickling water, we noticed his kids, Lizardbelly and the General, behind us.  What surprised us most, though, was Little Danger and his Memaw swimming toward us as well. He was in the lead by a good 6 feet or so.   

Little Danger made the entire 70 yards (we were all wearing lifejackets, but he still had a good strong stroke going) and insisted on swimming up under the waterfall on his own, giggling the while.  He didn’t want to leave the waterfall, but as there was a good deal of drift and trash under there, we didn’t linger.  He then insisted on the return trip with no assistance as well.

 Little Man loves the lake

He further spent the next 40 minutes jumping off the boat into the lake with his cousins, an endless cycle of jump to Memaw, swim to the ladder, climb the ladder, run to the bow, jump to Memaw…

This from the kid that 2 days earlier didn’t want to get his face wet in the lake.  They grow up so fast. 

2) I think I didn’t want another dog.  Alas, sometimes we are chosen.

We spent part of our Lake Therapy tied up in a cove, houseboat beached in the wayback with little to no traffic.  On our second day, we were visited by two strays, skinny little things with no collars. 

Try as we might, they never left.  We did that thing you aren’t supposed to do, and fed them.  They inhaled the food, much as we suspected they would. They slept on the bow of the boat, and when Little Danger woke up he said “Where my Lake Dog?”

Our third day on the lake was interrupted by a trip to the vet for the strays.

One came home to us, the other to the General and Lizardbelly’s house.  SUCKERS.  That’s us.  

But how can you say “go away” to this face?  They have a semi-clean bill of health, now that the ticks have been killed.  They have just about every worm that a dog can host, so we have to keep her semi-segregated from Oberon the mighty for a while, especially her poop. 

She might be at the office with me right now.  I might be a pushover.  I didn’t want another dog. 

Whereas my son loves the Avengers, and insists that he is Captain America and I am Ironman (and Wifefish is Hulk…evidently you wouldn’t like her when she’s angry), and whereas I am a giant geek, we have decided to call this girl Pepper, as in Pepper Potts.  Extra added geek cool factor:  We rescued Pepper, and Pepper Potts got an armor suit in the comics, which was called Rescue.  Recursive fun for the win.  

3) I think things are about to be tighter than I like again.  Like whoa.  I get to deal with the end of a foreclosure on the rental house, which marks the endcap of my failure as a landlord.  I’m not thrilled about it, but it is what it is.  2014 will be the year of trying to repair fucked up credit, amongst other things. 

Getting to 2014 is going to be a challenge.  Whereas things have been looking up, the loss of the rent income is definitely something we’re going to feel.  There’s too much long term opportunity and not enough make shit happen right now, and I need to move some of column A into column B here.  To that end, I’ll be testing for one of the licenses I need at the end of the month.  Hopefully I can keep the upward trend going, even with the current challenges. 

4)  I think I like lunches at the office now.  I was gifted a new grill, so I brought my old one in to the office.  Now, I can go to the local market and buy about 4 pounds of chicken drumsticks or thighs for $7, a few veggie packs for $1, and make dinner for a week on the same amount of money it would cost me to get a chicken sandwich value meal for one day.  And it’s grilled.  Bonus. 

Downside?  It feels absolutely fucking unnatural to grill meat with no beer in hand, to eat said seared flesh with no beer near.  A nice tall glass of water suffices, but only barely.  If hashtags were a thing in blogs, this would be the next entry: #firstworldproblems.  But they’re not, so that should be the last hashtag you see here.  If not, feel free to shoot me in the big toe with a paintball gun. 

5) I think you should brush up on your civil rights.  You can read many sources and discover some disturbing trends.  Many of you are familiar with my feelings about the TSA, but did you know their VIPR teams are now at sporting events and highway rest stops?  You should, and you should know your rights.

You should know your rights when speaking to the police, regarding anything.  You should know each and every one of the Ten Amendments, and even if you don’t like some of them, you should think about why they are important.  You should get to know a defense attorney, even if you think you’ll never need one.  I know three, and they are the only lawyers I’ve ever met that are actual warm human beings. 

This last thought isn’t really about anything specific, just a reminder to my readers…look at the civil liberties you are supposed to have, and then please reflect on the liberties you give up every day.  It’s a bit frightening, really. 

So, gang…what do YOU think?

The Streisand Effect

Good day, gang!  We are going to have an absolute BLAST today.  Some of you may know that I follow a great legal blog, www.popehat.com.  If you didn’t, you do now.  And really, you should read up over there. Ken is a champion of the little guy when, in his words, “censorious douchebags” threaten, or even file, lawsuits to chill free speech. 

Some of you may also know that I enjoy LARP, that is, Live Action Role Play.  It’s the geekiest of geek, more fun than grownups should be allowed to have playing dress up, and also, when done right, a kind of awesome interactive theatre/gaming experience. 

Today, these two interests of mine have a Venn diagram overlap, and that makes for a happy Dangerboy.

There is a man who owns a large LARP franchise, the McDonald’s of LARP if you will.  Although there are many, many things we could call him, we’ll call him Joseph Valenti, because that’s his name.  This giant among businessmen has a habit of doubling down on bad ideas.  Look, if you run/own/participate in a game in which you dress like elves, barbarians, dwarves and orcs and smack each other with foam weapons while casting pretend magic at each other (and I do), you need to grow a thick skin for criticism from other human beings. 

When people call you an idiot, a nerd, a dork, or a dumbass, you have to let it roll off.   (Fortunately most of our events, when seen by the public, get the “this is kind of cool!!” reaction instead.) 

Poor Joe, well, he hasn’t learned this lesson as I have.  When somebody slights his name or NERO (the game he owns) he goes a bit off the deep end sometimes.  I present here, in its entirety, the latest and best example of said jumping.  This was posted on a group on Facebook. 

From the Desk of Joseph Valenti - NERO Live Adventure Games, LLC.

Date: June 25, 2013

To All the Internet Bullies Who are Harassing and Bullying Joseph Valenti.

You must Cease and Desist.

You all must stop your internet bullying and harassment of me and the Nero organization.

You must stop stating lies about how Joseph Valenti interacts with NERO Chapter Owners, and how decisions are made – they are not correct and you are harming the NERO Organization by making incorrect statements.

You are depicting the NERO organization and its leadership – not just me but the 35 chapter owners too – using lies, and those lies are harming not only my reputation but the reputation of every NERO chapter owner and the NERO chapter staff.

I am willing to meet with any individual, or group of individuals, to review any statements or topics that anyone would like to review, to insure that you and I both get our say on any given topic, but it must be with the understanding that you will not return to the internet and continue to make derogatory statements, and that you will stop your internet based bullying of me, my staff, my friends and of NERO Chapter Owners.

We all know that nothing good will come from your constant and repeated bullying of me on the internet.

Nothing good has ever come from internet bullying, and in fact, internet bullying has been found to be responsible for multiple suicides.

You must stop your internet based bullying, you must stop stating lies to the public LARP marketplace, and you must no longer make false statements depicting myself or anyone associated with NERO, or you will force me to make a complaint with the courts.

Thank You
Joseph Valenti

I think we can all agree that this is a fucking CANNONBALL into the deep end, splashing butthurt on everyone at the pool.  For a guy who keeps trying to bring our hobby into the mainstream, he sure manages to make himself a caricature of silliness.  I picture Joe in this instance as Ken Jeong’s character in Role Models, desperately holding on to his crown.  

 How darest thou insult mine sacred honor?  I shall sue thee!

Look, it is fine n’ dandy to feel a bit of outrage when somebody says you’re an asshole, but you can’t file a lawsuit over it.  If someone says “It’s an indisputable fact that you’re an asshole”, you’re still in the world of opinion, and that, my friends, is protected speech.  You're on shaky ground if you threaten legal action against one person's opinion.  Trying to serve the entire Internet with a Cease And Desist?  Well, that’s just dumbfuckery on the scale of plucking a troll's nosehair.  

I’ll be honest.  As a fellow owner of a LARP myself and Big Damn Geek, I’ve refrained from commenting about Joe, his business, his methods, or anydamnthing else about him.  Hell, once upon a time I made some of the same mistakes, trying too hard to “control the message”, as they say it in corporatespeak. But once he tried to use legal threats to quiet his detractors, he crossed the line with me, and I feel it’s time to spread his words far and wide to receive the ridicule they so richly deserve.  

You see, the answer to speech you don’t like isn’t lawsuit (unless in those cases where true, actual libel/slander occur), it’s more speech.  That’s the whole point of our First Amendment rights and the “marketplace of ideas.”   

Besides, there’s no way to quiet the whole internet…wait, wait a minute…  

OK, there’s no easy way to quiet the whole internet.  Joe, I introduce you to the Streisand Effect.  Enjoy it. 

Five Things I Think, July 23

1) I think it can be hilarious having a toddler.  What’d he do this time, you ask?  Well, it’s that whole being a copy-monkey thing.  He will occasionally parrot the last thing he hears, a phenomenon that has caused me to curtail the use of my very favorite word.

Recently, at his second 3^rd birthday party (the one with our friends), Wifefish tossed an epithet at one of the attendees who, as he was leaving, made an off-hand joke about going home for a ménage a mois.  “Masturbator!” she called him.  Fortunately, Little Danger wasn’t paying much attention.  “See you later!” he yelled.  We all lost it.   My boy is a comedian. 

2) I think it was an absolute blast watching my boy’s first T-ball practice.  He hit the ball with authority, then ran after it to throw it to first base.  Not quite getting the structure of the game just yet, that one.  It was also somewhat adorable how he would get to each base and stop, jumping on it with both feet.  I’m looking forward to seeing how he likes the game as the rules are processed and understood.  

Little Danger the adventurer!

3) I think I’m a bit tired of the whole Zimmerman trial thing.  Look, here’s my quick take on it.  Yes, it sucks balls that a kid died.  No, it wasn’t “murder”, because that’s kind of specific, and the prosecutor really should have damn well known it.  No, it wasn’t a “proper response by a gun owner”, because a responsible gun owner should have, knowing the police were on the way, surveilled the “suspect” from a safe distance, and not been in a position for anyone to be beating their head against pavement in the first damn place. 

My strongest condemnation, though, goes to the fucking media for turning this thing into a racist circus, calling Zimmerman a “white Hispanic”, editing tapes to make it sound as damning as possible, and creating a hue and cry where truly it shouldn’t have existed.  Responsible reporting is dead, people.  As a fucking doornail.  It’s become hard work to read any story, because you have to dig through all the fluff and bullshit to find any facts, and then go look for the rest of the facts across 18 news sources.  This condemnation may in fact lead to a Things I Hate sometime soon, because it really grinds my gears.

4)  I think that occasionally, one must make a silly decision, that is, a decision to be silly.  Today I made such a choice.  Wifefish has an alarm on her cellphone that is a string quartet, beginning with a nice cello line that is supposed to gently entice you to the land of wakefulness from out your blissful slumber.  Whereas it fails to do so quite as gently as one might wish, I have decided to pretend that it is not a cellphone at all, but the girls of Bond playing for us.  Wearing bowties.  That’s all.  (Yes, I’m going to the lecher’s hell, but I’m comfortable with my labels.) 

5) I think I may end up in the special Hell.  I had some lamb shoulder chops last night for dinner, broiled with a roasted peach whiskey sauce.  They were absofuckinglutely delicious.  This is not, however, the reason that I’m going to hell. 

Little Danger watches a show on Netflix sometimes called “Timmy Time”, a claymation show about a group of barnyard animals in preschool…Timmy is “A little lamb with a lot to learn”, according to the theme song.

That is, according to the theme song which I was gleefully humming while eating my dinner.  According to Wifefish, “You’re just not right.”  I agree with her.  

So what do you think, gang?  Let me know right there with the comment button...

Beer, Beer, Beer, vol 3

Greetings!  It’s time to tantalize our taste buds once again, beer fans!  Today, I’ll be taking a look at the remaining brews available from Finch’s: the Golden Wing blonde ale and the Secret Stache Stout. 

These two beers were, just as the other Finch’s offerings, enjoyed while floating upon the Lake.  There’s just something about the fresh air and sunlight that makes beertasting a better experience.  Granted, this time my first tastes were had while corralling Little Danger in the Relaxation Station, but fortunately I am nothing if not a faithful reporter. 

Let’s start with the Golden Wing.  First, a little pro tip…if you’re saving a can for display, and you decide to drill a hole in the bottom to avoid wrinkling the can with the churchkey, be prepared for a bit of a beer bath.   Just…just trust me on this one, gang.  (On the plus side, oh, that can looks so nice and unwrinkled.) 

I found the taste pleasant, like many blondes I’ve known.  Wait, that sentence is guaranteed to get me in trouble with Wifefish.  Let me say “like many blonde ALES I’ve known”.  It’s a very refreshing beer, not in love with the hops but using them to say “hello”, and bringing in an almost lemony fruitiness on the backside that works well.  Note the word “almost;” this is not a shandy by any means. 

It’s not aggressive at all, but still light years better than mass marketed muck.  It is, perhaps, a perfect floating-in-the-lake-in-a-lifejacket-with-your-beer-in-a-coozie beer.  While I recommend pairing it with any pork or poultry, I do not recommend swimming 65 yards to that really neat waterfall with the full pint can in hand.  It will be the slowest swim you’ve done in a while.  (No safety lectures, folks…this blog isn’t called Safe Leanings, or Smart Leanings, or This Guy Never Did Anything Stupid Leanings.)

Now, on to the Secret Stache Stout.  First, I just love the name.  It’s mindful of the monocle and moustache crowd, and thus inspires a certain manliness before ever popping the top, a desire to sound one’s barbaric yawp.

Upon opening, a bit of this brew splashed on my hands (I believe a jet ski had zoomed by just then).  I immediately observed that I had opened a very stout Stout indeed, something a bit thinner than motor oil, but infinitely more appetizing.  There was about zero head on this beer, and not a lot of carbonation at all, but a whole lot of bold flavor.  

The typical chocolatey coffee stout flavor is bolstered in this beer by a definite vanilla taste.  I wouldn’t really pair this with any entrees; I would prefer this as a dessert beer, best for after-dinner or as a mid-afternoon snack in itself. 

Well, as that exhausts the current Finch’s list, it’ll be time to move on to new brews next time.  But for now remember Golden Wing and Secret Stache from Finch’s…give ‘em a try and Bottoms Up!

Five Things I Think, July 8

1) I think the garden is faring far better this year.  I know the Southwest is hurting, but the Midwest has been enjoying enough rain to really support the crops.  Last year’s drought made our garden an anemic exercise in futility, whereas this season we’ve been dragging zucchini the size of your head out of this bad boy. 

It’s kind of awesome to dice up Squashzilla, throw it in the grill basket with some Roasted Peach Whiskey Sauce and some onion, and enjoy the fruits…well, the veggies of our labor.

2) I think it’s a good day.  For many reasons do I think this, not least of which is that today, Little Danger turns 3.  It’s amazing to think that 3 years have gone by so quickly, and that we will now have known him for longer than we looked for him.  

It was a long road, but it was more than worth it.  I do not get tired of people telling me I have a cool kid.  I do not get tired of his ability to charm, to make friends, to share, and to care.  I hope he doesn’t, either.

3) I think one of my favorite things to watch Little Danger do is dance.  He abandons all pretense at civilization, and jumps, runs, wiggles, and even rolls around on the ground in his appreciation of both music and attention.  

We went to a local club to watch a friend throw down some good oldies tunes with his band, and Little Danger ate it up.  He owned the dance floor like a lobbyist owns a Senator. 

At one point, he just lay down and logrolled across the floor, and repeated the action when the onlookers giggled.  His wild gyrations inspired the sound guy to come join him, both of them logrolling in a toddler-inspired joie de vivre that left a wide smile on my face for the night. 

4) I think I’m tired of working too hard for my fun.  I’ve been running a project for almost 10 years now that is like a second full time job at times.  Whereas it’s been fun and rewarding, I’m ready to pass the torch to someone who has the fire to keep it going.  I have a new career to focus on, licensures to gain, and a book of business to build, and this requires a tighter beam of attention than I’ve had for quite some time. 

As an example, I opened my email to more than a dozen requests that add up to an aggregate 6 or so hours of work, all preparing for a weekend long event.  Sadly, the simple math is that those who need the most are getting the least, as I triage the hours of effort into more important endeavours.  I’m letting people down, but in the thing that only pays me in fun.  It’s a strange dichotomy of “right choice” versus “feels like failure” that never sits right with me.  

I’m really not sure how this one gets fixed, and it’s giving me some stress.  But on the bright side, it’s totally a fucking first world problem. 

5)  I think it’s getting close to the time when public opinion crosses the tipping point on government overreach.  The liberties we’re losing are looking more and more like the days of McCarthy, a time when people went through the Red Scare and tiptoed everywhere in fear of the fucking commies.  

Now our boogeyman is the terrorist, and to this boogeyman we have sacrificed a great many things.  From the recent FISA court issues, to the NSA metadata overreach, to my favorite jackbooted thugs the TSA, we keep giving and giving more liberty for an illusion of safety.  When, I wonder, do we finally look up and say “Enough?”  Soon, I hope.  

Given that we have just celebrated Independence Day, a day that saw us throwing off the chains of unreasonable searches and overreaching government, this has been on my mind of late.   

So, gang...what do YOU think today?